Going Blonde Part IV

I lost track of what number of dates Blondie and I are on now. Since my last post, not too long from our date #3, I have added him on Facebook, had a misunderstanding and cleared that up (a friend claimed that it was Blondie and my first fight – I chalked it up to misunderstanding….), went on another dinner date, had a home cooked meal at Blondie’s,  went on a movie night, and had him met a good friend of mine. And… we have another outing planned soon.

I wasn’t sure after our 4th date whether Blondie was IT for me, as he might have to leave Sydney after a year. I don’t see the point of developing feelings and attachments to a guy for only a year. He has been so sweet and treated me so well that it was hard for me tojust cut him lose. I brought up the topic and told him about this concern. I told him that I would be okay for him to date other girls while I figure what my decision is on him. Of course by letting him date others, I also implicitly giving myself that same privilege! He threw me off guard by saying that he’s not the kind of guy to date more than one girl at the same time. Ha! Cute… BUT!!! There goes my plan…. crap.

We didn’t talk about the subject anymore till after he cooked me dinner. He asked me if I had made a decision yet. I can’t remember how I answered, but I didn’t give him a decision as I didn’t have it. The night he made me dinner brought me closer to taking the leap of faith though. There’s something about a boy cooking me dinner and being adept in the kitchen that is so adorable. I may be giving way too much details here, but he even alternated the slices of tomatoes and mozzarella for the salad. Attention to details!!! At the end dinner, he packed me food for my dinner the next day. A-do-ra-ble. My BFF who lives across the Pacific claims that the way to my heart is not through a diamond ring, but to pack me lunch and/or dinner – and he’d be right.

The next day, I received a text message asking if I wanted to see Gravity at the IMAX, Blondie’s treat because I mentioned that I was feeling broke. And these are just the highlights of the cute and sweet things he does! I realized that afternoon that I would be stupid to not give whatever this is I have with Blondie a proper go. Am I scared? YES, abso-effin-lutely. But I can’t live my life not risking getting hurt at all. There’s no way you can do that. And as I was weighing this decision, I came across a blog that another close friend of mine forwarded a while back. The most recent post…. is on the risks happy people take everyday… Talk about coincidence!

Am I logging out of Tinder? Not yet.

At least not till we have another conversation where I tell him of my decision and see if he’s still on board.

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Two may not always be company, but three is definitely a crowd

In my early Tinder days, I was very naive and innocent. I was yesing and noing people during my free time, feeling that little ping of excitement when I got a match, pondering if the guy with the cute dog would be anything like his photos and whether I could meet his dog. My ego was being stroked and I liked it.

One fine day, I matched with a guy who seemed nice, was well traveled and had the cute nerd look going for him. He messaged me and we chatted for a bit, eventually moving the forum to Facebook (soooo stupid). He was very persistent in the beginning which I mistakenly attributed to him being “soo different” than the rest of the male population in their slow and often non-existent approach to asking a woman out. Though, I have to admit it was a little weird, even for me, when he asked to meet me at his place so we could make out without having actually met me. But, I ignored that comment thinking that even if he was a little pushy, he probably wasn’t a serial killer based on the 1 mutual friend we had in common.

I was right about that part (to my knowledge). We met up a few days later and went to a restaurant for dinner. Before I went out, I went through all the proper precautions of giving his name, Tinder picture, number and a 5 hour limit to call the cops instructions to my sister. When we got to the restaurant, our table wasn’t ready and so we sat at the bar where he proceeded to order a bottle of wine. Totally normal, right?! Perhaps, if he wasn’t the one driving, therefore leaving the heavy lifting (or, in this case, drinking) to me. Normally I would be totally happy to down a bottle or two. And, being inexperienced in the Tinder world, I thought a little liquid courage would be a good thing. Except, I kinda had a busy day where I didn’t get much food in me. And, I sorta downed the bottle before we got to the mains. So, ladies and gents, I was pretty, prettyyyy drunk. This is not a good idea on a first date, let alone a Tinder date with a guy who is a stranger and touchy feely. It definitely loosened me up a little (the wine, that is). My judgement was definitely impaired. To his credit, the restaurant and food from what I recall were amazing and he had some semi-interesting things to say, especially later on in the night.

We finished dinner, during which we (mostly me) had a few more glasses of wine. We then went and got desert from a nearby cafe and then sat in a park to eat it. I noticed we were seated away from the rest of the population, which I took as a sign he was about to make a move. I drunkingly pondered it and thought, why not? It’s just a kiss. You can’t get too many diseases from a kiss. Plus, good practice!!  He, as predicted, made his move and he was actually a good kisser (I am fairly certain). But, it was a little strange when he proceeded to eat/lick off the lip balm I had just applied because he “liked the taste”. It went even more downhill from there. I stupidly told him he was a good kisser and he proudly declared “I am good with my tongue”. I laughed it off, apparently finding it hilarious in that moment (and …interesting now). He then made the obviously logical transition to threesomes and announced that he had recently participated in one “with two girls” after I queried whether it involved a guy and a girl (don’t ask me why–I guess it was my feeble attempt at flirting? though I am not sure why I was flirting…). I replied with “cool”. He then asked if I wanted to move this to his house. I guess I can’t blame the guy, I was inviting this sort of behaviour. But, he proceeded to ask me back 4 more times to “cuddle”. HA. Right. Totally. I was drunk but not that drunk.

I then told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea, to which he replied that if I was worried he wouldn’t call me the next day, that was silly because I was a “babe”. I remember thinking that I wasn’t worried about that, but rather what kind of STD’s he was going to have based on his extra curricular activities. Needless to say, I did not go home with him.

I honestly thought his attention would soon be drawn elsewhere. Nope. I got messages from him for the next week, especially on a particular day where he messaged me “happy hump day”. My favourite, though, was when he asked me how to pronounce my name (I have a slightly unusual spelling) and he proceeded to tell me how I could pronounce his name. Here’s a hint—he has a completely normal name, it just sounds similar to a certain male bodily fluid (I’ll let you guess which one). Such a thoughtful guy! I made the decision to cut this off before I got some unwelcome house calls (he dropped me off as I figured I would probably feel the same level of discomfort catching public transport back to my house). I sent him a very discrete, polite and to the point message. It apparently worked….Not so fast. He messaged me a couple of weeks later asking if he could convince me to hang out again. Thanks, but no thanks. You seem nice, but am not sure we are looking for the same umm experience? 🙂

Lesson from this: Don’t drink and Tinder date. Bad news. Do not ask questions/make comments that invite potentially awkward answers. Lastly, threesomes are not a good first date topic unless you actually plan on having one.

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Copy Paste Guy

One Sunday night I was watching TV and hanging out with my friend while Tindering. At the same time we received a message from the same guy that was clearly a copy paste text:

Copy Paste guy: Hi! How are you! Are you looking for friends, chat, cuddles, or relationship

Me: My friend is sitting right next to me with her tinder on and she just got the same message… From you!!!

Copy and Paste guy: Random you guys both matched me. Kinda sick of wasting people’s time so I went through my matches that I haven’t contacted with a random direct question. Thought it would be better to get the point…

 

Two weeks later I was bored and I continued this conversation as follow:

 

Me: Fair enough. So what are you looking for?

Copy Paste Guy: Im looking for a nice girl. And maybe more

Me: In other words, anything you can get?

Copy Paste guy: I jut want a nice girl. Doesn’t drink heaps doesn’t smoke. A homely kind of girl.

Me: You make it sounds like you’re looking for a housekeeper!

Dear Copy Paste guy, you sure know how to make a girl, I mean girls… feel oh so special.

brace yourself tinder is coming

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WTF

Rant time.

Guy (and girls) WHY do you have to screw up the beginning of a relationship/friendship/etc with fucking weird text messages?!?!

As you may recall, period guy and I were supposedly dunzo. However, he messaged me several times apologizing for canceling and wanting to catch up and he seemed like a nice enough guy so I told him (AS A PREFACE –against my much better judgment) that I was busy for the next few weeks (not an excuse but an actuality) and would like to catch up after, but that if he couldn’t be bothered, not to worry. He told me no problem and that he would also like to catch up. I thought, what a nice guy, what a refreshing change–a guy who doesn’t just want to get in my pants as soon as he can!

Well, I was wrong. He sent me a text earlier today asking if it would ruin our friendship if he sent me a shirtless picture. HUH??? Where did that come from. A. I didn’t know a 4 hour Tinder date = a friendship. B. REALLY? No offense, but you’re not exactly Vin Diesel. I really don’t want or need to see that at this point.

I don’t get it. He said he had a few drinks. Cool. But if you’re still coherent enough to use correct grammar and punctuation (all periods, still living up to his name) in your texts you are NOT drunk enough to justify sending messages like that. And no, it wasn’t his friend who grabbed his phone because he later told me to “forget it, it was just for the hell of it”. The hell of what? It was going so well! I was actually going to message you in a few weeks. I actually had some respect for you. That is completely gone now. So thanks for showing your true colours before I gave up another 4 hours of my time to work on our lovely “friendship”. You have been officially deleted from my phone. Douche.

I realise people make mistakes and say stupid shit. I am just annoyed and saddened that he made me feel cheap. I know it’s Tinder we’re talking about, but is that really an excuse?

Lesson from this: Don’t drink and text folks. And if you want to push a girl/guy away, absolutely do send then crazy ass texts (unless of course they are into that sort of shit). Stop being so damn nice to people. Sometimes they do not deserve a second chance (or text).

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He’s just not that into me

discombobulate – dis·com·bob·u·late|ˌdiskəmˈbäbyəˌlāt|

verb [ trans. ] humorous disconcert or confuse (someone) : this attitude totally discombobulated Bruce | [asadj. ] (discombobulated) he is looking a little pained and discombobulated.

It’s not dating if you don’t feel discombobulated. This word describes perfectly how I feel about Soccer stud. We were matched one Sunday night and ended up discovering that we both went to schools in the same area. Potentially we could have been on the same train or bus way back then. What a great cute meet story hey? Attraction point #1.

I discovered that he plays soccer and basketball. Team sports kinda guy. I approve. Attraction point #2. He asked how tall I was and he told me that he’s 6″2. Again, I approve. Attraction point #3.

We share the same philosophy in dating: you still should have your own lives and friends instead of merging two individuals into one couple personality. Attraction point #4. He cleans. Attraction #5.

He asked what I was up to in the upcoming week, I cheekily added “… going on a date if I were asked”. And he did, so we set a date for Thursday. Everyday till Thursday, he’d message me daily and we would chat. Conversation flowed easily. Thursday came around and he was early. Tall, dark haired with dimples. I found him cute and attractive. We had drinks and chatted for a couple of hours, then had dinner and the next time I glanced at my watch, it was near midnight. We were spending 5+ hours on this first date.

When we said good bye and he leaned down, I could feel his brain thinking do I kiss on the cheek or the lips? I guess my telepathy didn’t work because he kissed me on the cheek instead. He said he’d message me, or tinder me. I laughed and we went on own ways. 30 minutes later, he sent me a text while on the train saying “I forgot to tell you that you look gorgeous tonight”.

The next morning I decided to take a chance and told him that I think he’s cute. Again, he messaged me daily. The following week, he kept on asking me what I was doing, but not asking me out. So I thought ok, let’s take one for the team and suggested we hang out on Friday.

Somewhere between the first date and Friday, he said with an “lol” that I was aggressive for not taking a while to get him to ask me out. I thought I was being cheeky, but everyone sees things differently. I asked him how he would have preferred it to unfold and he said he would probably wait a little later before asking me out. When I joked if we should cancel Friday and wait till he asks me, he said no and insisted we meet. It turns out that I could only meet him in the morning and he was good to wake up early and drive to wherever. We spent 2 hours easily while having breakfast and if I didn’t have to go, I think we could easily stay another hour. Again, he kissed me on the cheek when we parted. Then I didn’t hear from him for a week till he sent me a one liner “what’s happening tonight?”

I felt discombobulated. We spent 5+ hours on our first date, he sent me a text after he didn’t kiss me saying that he thought I was gorgeous. He said yes to breakfast instead of sleeping in and again spent a good two hours for breakfast. I didn’t get it. Well… I do now, I just didn’t want to admit it because any type of rejection sucks. I gotta let it go and accept that ‘he’s just not that into me‘. It was easier to feel confusion and discombobulation than think that he’s not into me.

confused meme 3

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Common sense is a punishment

We promised you misadventures and this post is one. I have had a good run with Tinder, especially in the past 3 weeks – so it’s no surprise that two matches that sent me racist and inappropriate comments. I’ve also noticed a lot more people are using it, so as it’s popularity grows, there will be some idiots out there who use it. Expectation…. RESET!

My friend and I were walking back from a nice evening out on Sydney harbour and dinner with friends when I checked my phone and discovered this message.

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Classy! Who wouldn’t want to meet this guy?! My friend took my phone and replied to him  basically telling him to get a grip of himself. His reply was even worse. I didn’t received it until the next morning and it was such an unpleasant thing to read in that I blocked him right away. I would have loved to yell at him, but I don’t think it would do any good. If anything, it would be exactly what he wanted: a reaction. Looking back, I wished I had reported him before I blocked him. Oh well, lesson learned… I now know where the report button is!

This morning, I received another winning one liner: “YOLO, c*ntz”. Unfortunately, I didn’t take a picture (my friend took the above picture and I asked her to send it to me to post). Fortunately, now that I know where the report button is, I reported him then deleted jerk-face 2.0.

I thought it was common sense to be polite to people, but it’s NOT. Common sense is a misleading term, because truth be told, it’s actually very RARE! If anything, it’s a punishment. Grumpy cat, I agree with you!

common sense memes

So, what winning lines have you received on Tinder? Share them with us!

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Judging you, judging me

Let’s admit it, rating these guys on Tinder (or girls) is a guilty pleasure. It goes against the ideals on how you should judge a person: on their personality, character, action…. instead of a skin deep superficiality. Having said that, I would also be the first person to say that whoever said looks don’t matter is lying!!! Looks DEFINITELY matter –you need to have an attraction to your partner. After you have that initial attraction then the other stuff will lower or heighten that person’s overall score (yes, I judge, and so do YOU).

This is how I usually describe the scoring process:

1. You think someone is attractive and you give them an 8

2. You start talking to each other and from his conversation, his personality emerges and that initial 8 can either go up or down depending on the non-physical elements.

With Tinder, you don’t get a conversation before you get matched. So how do I decide yes or no? Purely from judging the pictures… Sure, I try to guess what kind of personality they have from the pictures. There was this really cool article from the New York Times recently on how well someone can read another person’s emotion. It even has a quiz. So it kinda confirms my belief that you can “read” a stranger’s personality from their pictures. Click here for the article and quiz.

A picture is worth a thousand words right?! Sure it’s not going to be 100% accurate, but it’s a point of reference!

#1. Shirtless pictures tell me that you’re into your body and want everyone to notice that. You’ve worked hard to get there and kudos to you, but it’s a little narcissistic… That’s a left swipe. NEXT!

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For this category, there’s a “worst offender” and there’s one exception.

– Worst offender: when you’re flexing yours muscle in front of the mirror and taking a shirtless selfie where your camera is visible.

– One exception: when you’re shirtless but doing something cool like kite surfing, or something that is not just posing….

#2. It’s a landscape picture not a profile picture. Am I going out on a date with THAT landscape? Okay, sure there’s a person hanging on the side of a building there, but if I need to get a magnifying glass to decipher you face…. that would be a no.

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#3. Sunglasses. If the picture is an outdoor shot, sure it’s legit to have your sunnies on. But if all of your pictures are you with your sunnies on… How am I supposed to know what you actually look like?

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#4. Group photo – I dig guys that have their own friends and lives. Group pictures tells me that hey you have friends! If all of your pictures are in a group setting, I really just can’t be bothered to play “Where’s Wally” and try to figure out which one is the constant face in the pictures…

Sorry I can’t find a good one for this… isn’t it always the case that when you’re not looking you get all these group shots and now that I was looking for it, NONE. Fact of life. You all know what I mean… You’ve seen it. Look, I’m not saying DON’T do it, just put it up sparingly – put at least ONE picture where it’s just YOU!

#5. Cozy pictures with a girl – Is that your girlfriend? Ex-girlfriend? Why are you on tinder? Oh right… anything goes on Tinder… but seriously though… it raises a red flag.

#6. Wedding photos – I don’t think I need to elaborate on this.

#7. Photo with a baby or little kids… I can’t decide on this one because well if you have kids you have kids. If the kid is yours, can you explain so on your tag line? And if not, state the relation!

There are other weird photos out there, but I think these sum up the main categories. Do let me know if you find other categories that I missed.

Bottom line is we’re all judges here on Tinder. I judge you and you judge me. Pick your pictures wisely.

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Chai tea disaster

This post has nothing to do with Tinder. So if you’re obsessed with it and don’t care about any other topics, I suggest you stop reading. Please don’t! I still want you to read! I promise this story will be just as entertaining as any Tinder meeting, if not more entertaining.

It starts as most stories about a crazy guy do– at a bar. It was the long weekend. My friends and I decided to grab a few drinks and sat at a sweet table on the balcony. We had an amazing view of the park where couples were awkwardly kissing (and where I had a previous Tinder kiss) and of a gelato store where we would later eat tiramisu and rum raisin flavoured gelato…mmm…I digress. I was on my third shot of tequila, my friends on their 3rd or 4th glass of vodka soda or some equivalent. The room was full of cute men. All was right in my world.

And then he appeared. A seemingly harmless guy who I thought was just going to deliver some cheesy pick up line and then disappear when it was not well received. I was wrong. His first sentences were whether we were all friends and if we hung out in the city much. Innocent enough, right? We all awkwardly laughed and avoided eye contact. I shifted further towards my friend’s boyfriend (I guess looking for some sort of manly protection). We brushed it off, but he persisted. “Do you live around here?” “I don’t have many friends and would like to go to dinner with you guys.” “I go there all the time, we should meet up there tomorrow, give me your number”. At this point I sort of felt sorry for him. He seemed socially awkward and desperate. He directed most of his attention to my friend with the boyfriend. She’s got double D’s. That probably has nothing at all to do with it. But, on the off chance it does, I can’t say I blame him– I already stare at them and I’m a girl.  He hilariously assumed that when she said that she and her boyfriend were having a family dinner with his mum that they were related. Her boyfriend’s take? “We’re dating, I guess.” They’ve been together 6 months, seeing each other for 8 or 9. Said the three big words. He would later say he was trying to play “cool”, I suppose in front of his new, not-hitting-on-his-girlfriend, friend. My friend promised she would have her revenge later that night. I’m hoping it involved whips.

Once he found out she was taken and after she gave him her REAL number (remember peeps, if he’s a creep, don’t give it or change a few digits), he looked at me and said, “‘if I would have known, I would have gone for you instead”. Classy. I’m your second choice?!?! REALLY?!?!?! Way to flatter a girl, dude. Even the creeps have no game. He then asked me what I did for a living and where I lived. My answers were as vague as possible and he kept pressuring me for an exact location of my house. I fumbled my way through a passable response and he moved on to what I’m sure he considered a more interesting topic: “I had a girlfriend who was Italian and she told me she used to get sensations (you can guess where) when she was on a swing or riding a bike”. …………………

I don’t often get speechless or lack witty responses. But, all I could pathetically mumble was “I’m not going to discuss this with a stranger.” No “I’m getting a pervert sensation right now” or “you’re not going to feel any sensations when I’m done with you”. I am supremely disappointed in myself. But, the strange thing was that while we all felt uncomfortable, no one told him to piss off, though my other friend was turning a bright shade of fuchsia in an attempt to restrain her aggression and slap-ready hands. I personally was strangely intrigued by what was going to come out of his mouth next. I was also wondering whether he’d be the type of creep that would call you incessantly and give you gifts. I wouldn’t mind the latter. Unless they were crappy gifts. Or strange ones. Luckily (or not) for us, he said he had to go back to his highly elusive friends. If you can even call them friends (assuming they exist). Real make-believe friends don’t let other friends harass girls in bars without at least buying them a round of drinks. That’s just common sense.

Lessons from this: If I have children, make sure they are properly schooled on dating/bar/general etiquette and common sense at an early age. And that they don’t have make-believe friends past age 15.

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Going Blonde Part III

The cafe list for our coffee date was good, but due to public holiday some of the cafes were closing early or closed. I didn’t take any points off Blondie because I would have made a similar mistake. As it was nearly 5pm, we decided to grab take away coffee in Surry Hills and head to the park to enjoy the sun. Again, I felt comfortable and conversation flowed easily. My mind was burning with one question though… why did he break up with his girlfriend of 5 years when she moved overseas for him? At the same time, I of course was anticipating this third kiss… Neither happened at the park.

We ended up watching an episode of Game of Thrones at my flat and had the third and fourth and fifth and (you get the point) kisses in my living room. Walking back to my flat and in my living room, Blondie played it cool. He was never pushy or too eager. I had anticipated feeling I might need to use force or argue my way out of an awkward situation. But, he communicated well and was always making sure I was comfortable.

I asked him the girlfriend question and he said it’s because their paths were going in different directions and that it was an amicable break up. They’re still friends and catch up regularly though not daily or weekly. Fair enough… He admitted that if one of them is start a new relationship then of course that would change. Another good answer, but it’s easy to talk the talk but harder to walk the walk. Thus far, Blondie has walked the walk… It’ll unfold… I just have to wait and see.

I didn’t get a text around the time that he would have gotten home, so I sent him a text him since I kicked him out not long after the GOT episode ended. We exchanged a couple of texts and he asked if he could add me on Facebook. I think I’m gonna sleep on that for now.

Blondie… He’s cute, sweet, and treats me so well. I love the efforts that he put for our dates. I like the fact that it’s so easy and comfortable to be around him. My happily married or in a long term relationship friends always told me that you know when you meet the right person because things are easy and not complicated. I don’t know if I believe in “the right person” anymore, but my friends’ words floated in my head during and after our third date. I don’t think I will see him this week due to his work schedule and I’m kinda glad. I need to process this. It’s only been three dates, so it’s still early days. Whatever comes, I’m glad we have had three great dates and I’m going to enjoy it for now.

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dumb luck

It’s been approximately a week since my date with period guy. We have spoken through texts on and off for the last week and were supposed to go out tonight. I woke up this morning at 3:45 am due to the heat and needing to pee really bad. But, after going to the bathroom and turning on the fan, I could not get to sleep. My mind was racing with trying to figure out ways to get out of the date tonight. I really, really, really did not want to go. About 20 minutes ago, my friend asked me if it was nervousness. I knew it wasn’t. I had no interest in seeing him again. Why? Nothing that I could put my finger on. We had a nice time, he seemed cool, but there was something missing. I guess either I am incapable of feelings (which, if you ask my sister, you will find that I am capable of a range of emotions, sometimes all in the same day) OR I didn’t feel what people would label a connection or chemistry. If I would rather stay at home streaming past episodes of the Real Housewives eating cheese and onion chips , something is off, right?? I had to cancel, but how?! What do I say to not look like a massive bitch when I had already rescheduled once this week?

It is now late morning and I just got a text from him saying that he is too ill to make it tonight and could we reschedule for the following week. Lacking a specified day next week to reschedule to, I can only assume that while he may be sick, he actually might be feeling the same way I do. I am happy, but also slightly confused. The happy part is easy to explain. I don’t have to go and I am not the bad guy!! He can most certainly take that title and run with it. However, the part I am slightly confused about is how we both let it get this far. I mean, barring actual illness and him wanting to see me again, it is the day of the date and I am just now trying to cancel and he is just now actually cancelling. Just last night he sent me a text asking me how my day was and I gave him the location of the date that was supposed to occur tonight. Mixed signals alert on both sides!! Is it because I was trying to be too open-minded when I knew something was off? The problem comes down to trusting your instinct. I am generally pretty in-tune with my feelings. But, when it comes to dating I can sometimes confuse a lack of interest with nervousness or fear of putting myself in a position to open up to a guy, something I haven’t really had to do in a couple of years, and vice versa. When should you give a person a chance? Or is your gut always right?

What I have learned from this experience is to not beat around the bush in the future. If I’m not feeling it, I’m not going on the second date even if he’s the nicest guy in the world. But, I also be aware of the reality of my feelings and not pass them off as something they are not–being authentic. If I am being authentic and all, rejection still is annoying even if you wanted it. I guess that emotion would be pride.

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