Category Archives: AceOfSpades887

Going Blonde Part IV

I lost track of what number of dates Blondie and I are on now. Since my last post, not too long from our date #3, I have added him on Facebook, had a misunderstanding and cleared that up (a friend claimed that it was Blondie and my first fight – I chalked it up to misunderstanding….), went on another dinner date, had a home cooked meal at Blondie’s,  went on a movie night, and had him met a good friend of mine. And… we have another outing planned soon.

I wasn’t sure after our 4th date whether Blondie was IT for me, as he might have to leave Sydney after a year. I don’t see the point of developing feelings and attachments to a guy for only a year. He has been so sweet and treated me so well that it was hard for me tojust cut him lose. I brought up the topic and told him about this concern. I told him that I would be okay for him to date other girls while I figure what my decision is on him. Of course by letting him date others, I also implicitly giving myself that same privilege! He threw me off guard by saying that he’s not the kind of guy to date more than one girl at the same time. Ha! Cute… BUT!!! There goes my plan…. crap.

We didn’t talk about the subject anymore till after he cooked me dinner. He asked me if I had made a decision yet. I can’t remember how I answered, but I didn’t give him a decision as I didn’t have it. The night he made me dinner brought me closer to taking the leap of faith though. There’s something about a boy cooking me dinner and being adept in the kitchen that is so adorable. I may be giving way too much details here, but he even alternated the slices of tomatoes and mozzarella for the salad. Attention to details!!! At the end dinner, he packed me food for my dinner the next day. A-do-ra-ble. My BFF who lives across the Pacific claims that the way to my heart is not through a diamond ring, but to pack me lunch and/or dinner – and he’d be right.

The next day, I received a text message asking if I wanted to see Gravity at the IMAX, Blondie’s treat because I mentioned that I was feeling broke. And these are just the highlights of the cute and sweet things he does! I realized that afternoon that I would be stupid to not give whatever this is I have with Blondie a proper go. Am I scared? YES, abso-effin-lutely. But I can’t live my life not risking getting hurt at all. There’s no way you can do that. And as I was weighing this decision, I came across a blog that another close friend of mine forwarded a while back. The most recent post…. is on the risks happy people take everyday… Talk about coincidence!

Am I logging out of Tinder? Not yet.

At least not till we have another conversation where I tell him of my decision and see if he’s still on board.

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Copy Paste Guy

One Sunday night I was watching TV and hanging out with my friend while Tindering. At the same time we received a message from the same guy that was clearly a copy paste text:

Copy Paste guy: Hi! How are you! Are you looking for friends, chat, cuddles, or relationship

Me: My friend is sitting right next to me with her tinder on and she just got the same message… From you!!!

Copy and Paste guy: Random you guys both matched me. Kinda sick of wasting people’s time so I went through my matches that I haven’t contacted with a random direct question. Thought it would be better to get the point…

 

Two weeks later I was bored and I continued this conversation as follow:

 

Me: Fair enough. So what are you looking for?

Copy Paste Guy: Im looking for a nice girl. And maybe more

Me: In other words, anything you can get?

Copy Paste guy: I jut want a nice girl. Doesn’t drink heaps doesn’t smoke. A homely kind of girl.

Me: You make it sounds like you’re looking for a housekeeper!

Dear Copy Paste guy, you sure know how to make a girl, I mean girls… feel oh so special.

brace yourself tinder is coming

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He’s just not that into me

discombobulate – dis·com·bob·u·late|ˌdiskəmˈbäbyəˌlāt|

verb [ trans. ] humorous disconcert or confuse (someone) : this attitude totally discombobulated Bruce | [asadj. ] (discombobulated) he is looking a little pained and discombobulated.

It’s not dating if you don’t feel discombobulated. This word describes perfectly how I feel about Soccer stud. We were matched one Sunday night and ended up discovering that we both went to schools in the same area. Potentially we could have been on the same train or bus way back then. What a great cute meet story hey? Attraction point #1.

I discovered that he plays soccer and basketball. Team sports kinda guy. I approve. Attraction point #2. He asked how tall I was and he told me that he’s 6″2. Again, I approve. Attraction point #3.

We share the same philosophy in dating: you still should have your own lives and friends instead of merging two individuals into one couple personality. Attraction point #4. He cleans. Attraction #5.

He asked what I was up to in the upcoming week, I cheekily added “… going on a date if I were asked”. And he did, so we set a date for Thursday. Everyday till Thursday, he’d message me daily and we would chat. Conversation flowed easily. Thursday came around and he was early. Tall, dark haired with dimples. I found him cute and attractive. We had drinks and chatted for a couple of hours, then had dinner and the next time I glanced at my watch, it was near midnight. We were spending 5+ hours on this first date.

When we said good bye and he leaned down, I could feel his brain thinking do I kiss on the cheek or the lips? I guess my telepathy didn’t work because he kissed me on the cheek instead. He said he’d message me, or tinder me. I laughed and we went on own ways. 30 minutes later, he sent me a text while on the train saying “I forgot to tell you that you look gorgeous tonight”.

The next morning I decided to take a chance and told him that I think he’s cute. Again, he messaged me daily. The following week, he kept on asking me what I was doing, but not asking me out. So I thought ok, let’s take one for the team and suggested we hang out on Friday.

Somewhere between the first date and Friday, he said with an “lol” that I was aggressive for not taking a while to get him to ask me out. I thought I was being cheeky, but everyone sees things differently. I asked him how he would have preferred it to unfold and he said he would probably wait a little later before asking me out. When I joked if we should cancel Friday and wait till he asks me, he said no and insisted we meet. It turns out that I could only meet him in the morning and he was good to wake up early and drive to wherever. We spent 2 hours easily while having breakfast and if I didn’t have to go, I think we could easily stay another hour. Again, he kissed me on the cheek when we parted. Then I didn’t hear from him for a week till he sent me a one liner “what’s happening tonight?”

I felt discombobulated. We spent 5+ hours on our first date, he sent me a text after he didn’t kiss me saying that he thought I was gorgeous. He said yes to breakfast instead of sleeping in and again spent a good two hours for breakfast. I didn’t get it. Well… I do now, I just didn’t want to admit it because any type of rejection sucks. I gotta let it go and accept that ‘he’s just not that into me‘. It was easier to feel confusion and discombobulation than think that he’s not into me.

confused meme 3

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Common sense is a punishment

We promised you misadventures and this post is one. I have had a good run with Tinder, especially in the past 3 weeks – so it’s no surprise that two matches that sent me racist and inappropriate comments. I’ve also noticed a lot more people are using it, so as it’s popularity grows, there will be some idiots out there who use it. Expectation…. RESET!

My friend and I were walking back from a nice evening out on Sydney harbour and dinner with friends when I checked my phone and discovered this message.

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Classy! Who wouldn’t want to meet this guy?! My friend took my phone and replied to him  basically telling him to get a grip of himself. His reply was even worse. I didn’t received it until the next morning and it was such an unpleasant thing to read in that I blocked him right away. I would have loved to yell at him, but I don’t think it would do any good. If anything, it would be exactly what he wanted: a reaction. Looking back, I wished I had reported him before I blocked him. Oh well, lesson learned… I now know where the report button is!

This morning, I received another winning one liner: “YOLO, c*ntz”. Unfortunately, I didn’t take a picture (my friend took the above picture and I asked her to send it to me to post). Fortunately, now that I know where the report button is, I reported him then deleted jerk-face 2.0.

I thought it was common sense to be polite to people, but it’s NOT. Common sense is a misleading term, because truth be told, it’s actually very RARE! If anything, it’s a punishment. Grumpy cat, I agree with you!

common sense memes

So, what winning lines have you received on Tinder? Share them with us!

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Judging you, judging me

Let’s admit it, rating these guys on Tinder (or girls) is a guilty pleasure. It goes against the ideals on how you should judge a person: on their personality, character, action…. instead of a skin deep superficiality. Having said that, I would also be the first person to say that whoever said looks don’t matter is lying!!! Looks DEFINITELY matter –you need to have an attraction to your partner. After you have that initial attraction then the other stuff will lower or heighten that person’s overall score (yes, I judge, and so do YOU).

This is how I usually describe the scoring process:

1. You think someone is attractive and you give them an 8

2. You start talking to each other and from his conversation, his personality emerges and that initial 8 can either go up or down depending on the non-physical elements.

With Tinder, you don’t get a conversation before you get matched. So how do I decide yes or no? Purely from judging the pictures… Sure, I try to guess what kind of personality they have from the pictures. There was this really cool article from the New York Times recently on how well someone can read another person’s emotion. It even has a quiz. So it kinda confirms my belief that you can “read” a stranger’s personality from their pictures. Click here for the article and quiz.

A picture is worth a thousand words right?! Sure it’s not going to be 100% accurate, but it’s a point of reference!

#1. Shirtless pictures tell me that you’re into your body and want everyone to notice that. You’ve worked hard to get there and kudos to you, but it’s a little narcissistic… That’s a left swipe. NEXT!

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For this category, there’s a “worst offender” and there’s one exception.

– Worst offender: when you’re flexing yours muscle in front of the mirror and taking a shirtless selfie where your camera is visible.

– One exception: when you’re shirtless but doing something cool like kite surfing, or something that is not just posing….

#2. It’s a landscape picture not a profile picture. Am I going out on a date with THAT landscape? Okay, sure there’s a person hanging on the side of a building there, but if I need to get a magnifying glass to decipher you face…. that would be a no.

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#3. Sunglasses. If the picture is an outdoor shot, sure it’s legit to have your sunnies on. But if all of your pictures are you with your sunnies on… How am I supposed to know what you actually look like?

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#4. Group photo – I dig guys that have their own friends and lives. Group pictures tells me that hey you have friends! If all of your pictures are in a group setting, I really just can’t be bothered to play “Where’s Wally” and try to figure out which one is the constant face in the pictures…

Sorry I can’t find a good one for this… isn’t it always the case that when you’re not looking you get all these group shots and now that I was looking for it, NONE. Fact of life. You all know what I mean… You’ve seen it. Look, I’m not saying DON’T do it, just put it up sparingly – put at least ONE picture where it’s just YOU!

#5. Cozy pictures with a girl – Is that your girlfriend? Ex-girlfriend? Why are you on tinder? Oh right… anything goes on Tinder… but seriously though… it raises a red flag.

#6. Wedding photos – I don’t think I need to elaborate on this.

#7. Photo with a baby or little kids… I can’t decide on this one because well if you have kids you have kids. If the kid is yours, can you explain so on your tag line? And if not, state the relation!

There are other weird photos out there, but I think these sum up the main categories. Do let me know if you find other categories that I missed.

Bottom line is we’re all judges here on Tinder. I judge you and you judge me. Pick your pictures wisely.

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Going Blonde Part III

The cafe list for our coffee date was good, but due to public holiday some of the cafes were closing early or closed. I didn’t take any points off Blondie because I would have made a similar mistake. As it was nearly 5pm, we decided to grab take away coffee in Surry Hills and head to the park to enjoy the sun. Again, I felt comfortable and conversation flowed easily. My mind was burning with one question though… why did he break up with his girlfriend of 5 years when she moved overseas for him? At the same time, I of course was anticipating this third kiss… Neither happened at the park.

We ended up watching an episode of Game of Thrones at my flat and had the third and fourth and fifth and (you get the point) kisses in my living room. Walking back to my flat and in my living room, Blondie played it cool. He was never pushy or too eager. I had anticipated feeling I might need to use force or argue my way out of an awkward situation. But, he communicated well and was always making sure I was comfortable.

I asked him the girlfriend question and he said it’s because their paths were going in different directions and that it was an amicable break up. They’re still friends and catch up regularly though not daily or weekly. Fair enough… He admitted that if one of them is start a new relationship then of course that would change. Another good answer, but it’s easy to talk the talk but harder to walk the walk. Thus far, Blondie has walked the walk… It’ll unfold… I just have to wait and see.

I didn’t get a text around the time that he would have gotten home, so I sent him a text him since I kicked him out not long after the GOT episode ended. We exchanged a couple of texts and he asked if he could add me on Facebook. I think I’m gonna sleep on that for now.

Blondie… He’s cute, sweet, and treats me so well. I love the efforts that he put for our dates. I like the fact that it’s so easy and comfortable to be around him. My happily married or in a long term relationship friends always told me that you know when you meet the right person because things are easy and not complicated. I don’t know if I believe in “the right person” anymore, but my friends’ words floated in my head during and after our third date. I don’t think I will see him this week due to his work schedule and I’m kinda glad. I need to process this. It’s only been three dates, so it’s still early days. Whatever comes, I’m glad we have had three great dates and I’m going to enjoy it for now.

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Why I deleted my RSVP account

One tipsy night, a girl friend convinced me to sign up with RSVP. “Try it babe, it’s nice to go out on dates on a Friday” and “something to look forward to and practice your flirting skills”. She walked me through her account and inbox, and I thought okay why not? That night, we answered the survey and put up a picture. Sure enough I get “kisses” the next day… Some of the guys didn’t seem to read the perimeter that I set out! Age range, height… Come on boys! Really… it’s not attractive if you can’t read and follow direction. What really creeped me out was the 50+ men who sent me “kisses”… I deleted those immediately.

I went on dates with 2 guys from RSVP: an Australian Irish lad and a middle child Aussie dude. I also exchanged emails with a few other guys, but only 2 memorable ones: a lawyer turned doctor and a Frenchie. My date with the Australian Irish lad went really well as far as a first date went. We had drinks and dinner, laughed a ton – but the sparks weren’t there. He was keen to see me again, but I only saw us as friends. When I told him this, he replied that he’d like to get to know me but if romance wasn’t in the cards then we should just wish each other the best. So I did.

I remembered hesitating when I saw the middle child Aussie dude’s pictures and profile. After second read of his profile and urging myself to be open, I sent him a “kiss” saying “I look forward to hearing from you”. A day later his email came and we exchanged a few more… he was quite happy to read and email instead of asking me out on a date. A month later he asked me out and after a rescheduling we finally met in person. I should have taken his hesitancy to ask me out, the calendar conflict, and my original hesitation as signs!

As soon as I saw him I had a sinking feeling, but it was too late to back out and too rude to walk away. So I played along. We had drinks and dinner – conversation flowed… On paper he was a nice guy. We parted ways and I could tell he wanted a kiss, so I scurried along. I should have deleted and blocked his contact then and there (shoulda, coulda, woulda but didn’t! I learned my lesson – don’t worry!!) He sent me a text that night saying what a great time he had and how he’d love to see me again.

I have to admit, it was flattering to received that text immediately and not have to wonder. I thought, “I do need to have dinner and on paper he seemed nice, let’s give him a second date and see if there’s any spark”. (Note to you all online daters out there… your gut feeling is usually right!) However, even half an hour before the date, I had no motivation to go. It was too late to cancel and I pride myself on not being a flake, so I trudged along. I saw him and thought gosh I’d rather be anywhere but here! I should have turned around and run like mad.

During dinner he came on way too strong… He made plans later in the year for us, asking me to send him updates when I was away on my scheduled vacation, asking me on a third date when I was days away from going on vacation… Who the hell is this guy?! Suddenly, I was frantically yet subtly scanning the room for a quick exit. I felt like a cornered animal! The icing on the cake came when we exited the restaurant and he said to me “hey, I’m not a stalker but I’m gonna walk you home okay?…” No, you’re not buddy. I walked him to a random intersection and lost him there, but before I made my escape he grabbed me and kissed me. I pleaded discomfort over PDA and dashed off.

The next day I sent him a text saying thank you for the date, but that it’s best if we wish each other the best. A couple of hours later, I received a reply which confirmed that I had indeed bruise his ego and that he was in fact reading me wrong. His text claimed that I was a materialistic princess,  that he was chasing me for sex, while also being racist and nationalist.

Thank you for sending me that my dear middle child Aussie dude. I felt bad sending you that text, but your reply freed me of any guilt and regret. In fact, it made me so grateful and relieved that I did. Good luck with your love life… I hope you will find some maturity and realize that rejection is part of life.

I would be lying if I say that this bizarre experience did not factor in my decision to close my RSVP account before it’s 3 month anniversary. I like the way Tinder works, at least for right now. It only allows you to chat with people you are attracted to. In real life, when you meet a person you have an instant reaction: like, dislike, or neutral. Well, Tinder recreates this – and as with my experience with that second child Aussie dude, I have to say in online dating your gut instinct is right…most of the time.

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First day of Tindering

Yes, it’s a verb for me now… I tinder. I was tindering. I tindered. I have tindered. I will tinder. *sigh* Laugh or cry as you will. It is what it is.

Within 24 hours of installing Tinder, I had around 10-20 matches. It felt like winning a game–it was gratifying. My ego was stroked – the people I found attractive thought I was attractive too! I also like the fact that only those you find attractive can talk to you as opposed to mainstream dating sites where people outside your specified age range, location or other filter you set, sent you random messages. What used to annoy me the most was the constant stream of older men sending me messages. Really… can you not read?! But I digress, I am telling you about my fist day of tindering and my first ever date from Tinder.

“Tinder said that our kids are gonna be good looking” was what Kiwi Photographer said to me as his opening line at 7am on a Sunday morning. Curious with how this whole thing worked on Tinder, I played along and he invited me for coffee that afternoon. Yup, same afternoon! Thinking that I did need my weekend cup of coffee, I thought why not… To further psych myself up, I thought this coffee is or should be free anyway! With these thoughts and an open mind, I off I went.

He was only 1 or 2 inches taller than me. He looked like his picture, but what can I say? Height is an important attractiveness measure for me. We chatted for a bit, he got me coffee, and yes it was awkward. Luckily for me, I had an afternoon tea scheduled so I left. Keeping an open mind and telling myself that I couldn’t possibly judge a guy after only meeting him for 30 minutes, I responded to his messages afterwards. That is until he said that we could not go on coffee dates forever and proposed to come over with a six pack for a movie…

Ha… is that what you call it these days?!

Oh…, hello!! Welcome to the world of Tinder – where all bets are off.

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Going Blonde Part II

It’s been less than a week since my last date with Blondie and I already had a third date. Yeah, I’m also wow-ed. Our second dinner date went really well. I picked a restaurant in Darlinghurst from the list of options he gave me. Blondie was waiting for me in front of the restaurant when I arrived. After a huge smile and a kiss on the cheek he told me that he tried to get a booking, but since the restaurant only accepted bookings for 8+ people he arrived early to put his name down for us. Ha… a list of options for restaurants and small bars, called ahead to book and when that didn’t happen, he went early to put his name down. Blondie has earned A+ for effort. Impressed!

During dinner he admitted that he had sourced those restaurant and small bar recommendations from his housemate of 2 weeks and half of his office workmates. Again, I was impressed by his effort. We shared our food and conversation flowed easily. I stared at him confirming that he was indeed cute. I guess I was pretty amazed at how this cute blonde that I met on Tinder of all places made such an effort for our second date. I suppose after a few disastrous dates of my own and friend stories, I was wondering if a ‘catch’ actually existed. Cynical of me, I know… When I offered to split dinner bill, Blondie declined, explaining that he asked me out so it’s his treat. He scored some brownie points with that. He’s good.

After dinner we ended up at a nearby small bar and had a drink each. I insisted on getting this one because I hate feeling that I owe someone. We chatted and chatted, the next time I glanced at my watch it was already 10:55pm! Where had the 4 hours gone?! As we walked back to catch our trains, we continued telling stories. I felt really comfortable around him and am amazed how easy it felt, no awkwardness or weird vibe. He stole the first kiss when we were waiting for the pedestrian traffic light to turn green. I had been wondering what it would felt like to kiss him during dinner and now I didn’t have to. How was it? Let’s just borrow a line from Katy Perry’s song and change it a little shall we? “I kissed a [blonde] and I liked it”. When we parted at the station, he stole another one but I suppose I was willing to give it anyway by that point. I just wished the lighting was more suitable for the mood of that moment!

Blondie later sent me a text telling me what a great time he had at dinner and wished me a good night. I liked that I don’t have to wonder with Blondie regarding whether or not he likes me. I love that he’s so straightforward and direct… it’s refreshing! I feel like I’m going on dates to get to know him as opposed to figuring out what’s his game is. Everyday as sure as the sun rises in the east, I’d get at least 2 texts from him – no clingy-ness, no games, no guesswork, no waiting games. The next day we ended up chatting via text where he playfully told me about his date last night and how he wished he had more time to steal a third kiss. To which I replied that maybe he should ask his date out again if can fit it in with his busy work schedule. His reply? He sure can find time because it’s all a matter of prioritization… I was as impressed as Michael Caine’s Victor Melling character in Miss Congeniality when Gracie Hart answered the beauty pageant’s questions well.

Long story short, he asked me out on a third date and I accepted. This time we planned on going for coffee and he was off researching again. Alas, it had to be done during the weekend so he’d only have his housemate and the internet to source from and forgo his office mates.

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Going Blonde

It’s a little bit past 5pm and I am getting excited for my date tonight. It’s a second date. Yes, you do get a second date from Tinder– I shall let you know if you can get a third. I received a text message from Blondie this morning with three restaurant options for dinner and five options of small bars for drinks afterwards. I have to applaud his effort. It’s nice to know that a guy is hustling to plan a date with you.

When I went on my first date with him, I chuckled to myself. Why? Because I had never gone on a date with light brown – borderline blonde haired, blue eyed guy. I had always been attracted to tall, dark, and handsome. Perhaps it was my trip to Sweden this year that changed my mind. I discovered that Swedish men are very attractive (okay, not all…. but a large number!) whether they are dark haired or blonde. I felt like my eyes had been opened and now I have more options to consider! Hot blonde Swede. Case in point: Henrik Lundqvist, hockey player

That first date with Blondie was a week ago. He suggested drinks but since he’s rather new to Sydney, he asked for some suggestions. I gave him 3, one around the Rocks area and 2 in Surry Hills. He picked one in Surry Hills and I was 10 minutes late. Ooops. We had 2 drinks and a long conversation. I couldn’t help but stare into his blue eyes. I found them fascinating and I really wanted to see what kind of blue they were. I had to refrain myself though– I barely knew the guy. I really didn’t want him to think I was head over heels! I really just curious about his eyes! Oh… okay, I suppose I was checking him out. There, I admit it. He was definitely better in person than his pictures. I liked 3 out of his 4 pictures, which is why I had to check him out to make sure that the 4th picture was a fluke and that the other 3 were not just lucky angles. The verdict? He’s cute and has a lovely personality.

We parted ways at Central where he kissed me on the cheek and told me that he had a great time and he’d love to see me again. Awww… nice… sure, but it’s almost a common courtesy to do that. I personally don’t, but I know guys who’d say “I’ll call you”, “I’ll text you”, etc and never did. So I smiled and said “good night”. Before I went to bed that night, I received a text from Blondie reiterating what he said earlier. That’s sweet, but only time will tell. They are all guilty, until proven otherwise 😉 Or maybe he caught me staring at his eyes earlier and thought ”this girl is under my spell”!!!

A couple of days later Blondie and I exchanged a few texts. He asked me out again that same day. On a whim, I asked him what he was looking for: relationship or casual encounter. He replied that he was looking for a relationship and wouldn’t asked out a girl if he’s not interested in getting to know her. Good answer, but again who knows what a person’s true motivation is? He’s been so direct and straightforward, which I found refreshing so I decided to go on a second date. I gave him one condition: he has to plan this one. And he did… researched, gave me options. I’m impressed so far Blondie!

Not all my Tinder dates have been good though, and I shall tell you about my first Tinder date ever on my next post. For now, I look forward to this dinner.

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