Category Archives: takingashot16

Two may not always be company, but three is definitely a crowd

In my early Tinder days, I was very naive and innocent. I was yesing and noing people during my free time, feeling that little ping of excitement when I got a match, pondering if the guy with the cute dog would be anything like his photos and whether I could meet his dog. My ego was being stroked and I liked it.

One fine day, I matched with a guy who seemed nice, was well traveled and had the cute nerd look going for him. He messaged me and we chatted for a bit, eventually moving the forum to Facebook (soooo stupid). He was very persistent in the beginning which I mistakenly attributed to him being “soo different” than the rest of the male population in their slow and often non-existent approach to asking a woman out. Though, I have to admit it was a little weird, even for me, when he asked to meet me at his place so we could make out without having actually met me. But, I ignored that comment thinking that even if he was a little pushy, he probably wasn’t a serial killer based on the 1 mutual friend we had in common.

I was right about that part (to my knowledge). We met up a few days later and went to a restaurant for dinner. Before I went out, I went through all the proper precautions of giving his name, Tinder picture, number and a 5 hour limit to call the cops instructions to my sister. When we got to the restaurant, our table wasn’t ready and so we sat at the bar where he proceeded to order a bottle of wine. Totally normal, right?! Perhaps, if he wasn’t the one driving, therefore leaving the heavy lifting (or, in this case, drinking) to me. Normally I would be totally happy to down a bottle or two. And, being inexperienced in the Tinder world, I thought a little liquid courage would be a good thing. Except, I kinda had a busy day where I didn’t get much food in me. And, I sorta downed the bottle before we got to the mains. So, ladies and gents, I was pretty, prettyyyy drunk. This is not a good idea on a first date, let alone a Tinder date with a guy who is a stranger and touchy feely. It definitely loosened me up a little (the wine, that is). My judgement was definitely impaired. To his credit, the restaurant and food from what I recall were amazing and he had some semi-interesting things to say, especially later on in the night.

We finished dinner, during which we (mostly me) had a few more glasses of wine. We then went and got desert from a nearby cafe and then sat in a park to eat it. I noticed we were seated away from the rest of the population, which I took as a sign he was about to make a move. I drunkingly pondered it and thought, why not? It’s just a kiss. You can’t get too many diseases from a kiss. Plus, good practice!!  He, as predicted, made his move and he was actually a good kisser (I am fairly certain). But, it was a little strange when he proceeded to eat/lick off the lip balm I had just applied because he “liked the taste”. It went even more downhill from there. I stupidly told him he was a good kisser and he proudly declared “I am good with my tongue”. I laughed it off, apparently finding it hilarious in that moment (and …interesting now). He then made the obviously logical transition to threesomes and announced that he had recently participated in one “with two girls” after I queried whether it involved a guy and a girl (don’t ask me why–I guess it was my feeble attempt at flirting? though I am not sure why I was flirting…). I replied with “cool”. He then asked if I wanted to move this to his house. I guess I can’t blame the guy, I was inviting this sort of behaviour. But, he proceeded to ask me back 4 more times to “cuddle”. HA. Right. Totally. I was drunk but not that drunk.

I then told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea, to which he replied that if I was worried he wouldn’t call me the next day, that was silly because I was a “babe”. I remember thinking that I wasn’t worried about that, but rather what kind of STD’s he was going to have based on his extra curricular activities. Needless to say, I did not go home with him.

I honestly thought his attention would soon be drawn elsewhere. Nope. I got messages from him for the next week, especially on a particular day where he messaged me “happy hump day”. My favourite, though, was when he asked me how to pronounce my name (I have a slightly unusual spelling) and he proceeded to tell me how I could pronounce his name. Here’s a hint—he has a completely normal name, it just sounds similar to a certain male bodily fluid (I’ll let you guess which one). Such a thoughtful guy! I made the decision to cut this off before I got some unwelcome house calls (he dropped me off as I figured I would probably feel the same level of discomfort catching public transport back to my house). I sent him a very discrete, polite and to the point message. It apparently worked….Not so fast. He messaged me a couple of weeks later asking if he could convince me to hang out again. Thanks, but no thanks. You seem nice, but am not sure we are looking for the same umm experience? 🙂

Lesson from this: Don’t drink and Tinder date. Bad news. Do not ask questions/make comments that invite potentially awkward answers. Lastly, threesomes are not a good first date topic unless you actually plan on having one.

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WTF

Rant time.

Guy (and girls) WHY do you have to screw up the beginning of a relationship/friendship/etc with fucking weird text messages?!?!

As you may recall, period guy and I were supposedly dunzo. However, he messaged me several times apologizing for canceling and wanting to catch up and he seemed like a nice enough guy so I told him (AS A PREFACE –against my much better judgment) that I was busy for the next few weeks (not an excuse but an actuality) and would like to catch up after, but that if he couldn’t be bothered, not to worry. He told me no problem and that he would also like to catch up. I thought, what a nice guy, what a refreshing change–a guy who doesn’t just want to get in my pants as soon as he can!

Well, I was wrong. He sent me a text earlier today asking if it would ruin our friendship if he sent me a shirtless picture. HUH??? Where did that come from. A. I didn’t know a 4 hour Tinder date = a friendship. B. REALLY? No offense, but you’re not exactly Vin Diesel. I really don’t want or need to see that at this point.

I don’t get it. He said he had a few drinks. Cool. But if you’re still coherent enough to use correct grammar and punctuation (all periods, still living up to his name) in your texts you are NOT drunk enough to justify sending messages like that. And no, it wasn’t his friend who grabbed his phone because he later told me to “forget it, it was just for the hell of it”. The hell of what? It was going so well! I was actually going to message you in a few weeks. I actually had some respect for you. That is completely gone now. So thanks for showing your true colours before I gave up another 4 hours of my time to work on our lovely “friendship”. You have been officially deleted from my phone. Douche.

I realise people make mistakes and say stupid shit. I am just annoyed and saddened that he made me feel cheap. I know it’s Tinder we’re talking about, but is that really an excuse?

Lesson from this: Don’t drink and text folks. And if you want to push a girl/guy away, absolutely do send then crazy ass texts (unless of course they are into that sort of shit). Stop being so damn nice to people. Sometimes they do not deserve a second chance (or text).

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Chai tea disaster

This post has nothing to do with Tinder. So if you’re obsessed with it and don’t care about any other topics, I suggest you stop reading. Please don’t! I still want you to read! I promise this story will be just as entertaining as any Tinder meeting, if not more entertaining.

It starts as most stories about a crazy guy do– at a bar. It was the long weekend. My friends and I decided to grab a few drinks and sat at a sweet table on the balcony. We had an amazing view of the park where couples were awkwardly kissing (and where I had a previous Tinder kiss) and of a gelato store where we would later eat tiramisu and rum raisin flavoured gelato…mmm…I digress. I was on my third shot of tequila, my friends on their 3rd or 4th glass of vodka soda or some equivalent. The room was full of cute men. All was right in my world.

And then he appeared. A seemingly harmless guy who I thought was just going to deliver some cheesy pick up line and then disappear when it was not well received. I was wrong. His first sentences were whether we were all friends and if we hung out in the city much. Innocent enough, right? We all awkwardly laughed and avoided eye contact. I shifted further towards my friend’s boyfriend (I guess looking for some sort of manly protection). We brushed it off, but he persisted. “Do you live around here?” “I don’t have many friends and would like to go to dinner with you guys.” “I go there all the time, we should meet up there tomorrow, give me your number”. At this point I sort of felt sorry for him. He seemed socially awkward and desperate. He directed most of his attention to my friend with the boyfriend. She’s got double D’s. That probably has nothing at all to do with it. But, on the off chance it does, I can’t say I blame him– I already stare at them and I’m a girl.  He hilariously assumed that when she said that she and her boyfriend were having a family dinner with his mum that they were related. Her boyfriend’s take? “We’re dating, I guess.” They’ve been together 6 months, seeing each other for 8 or 9. Said the three big words. He would later say he was trying to play “cool”, I suppose in front of his new, not-hitting-on-his-girlfriend, friend. My friend promised she would have her revenge later that night. I’m hoping it involved whips.

Once he found out she was taken and after she gave him her REAL number (remember peeps, if he’s a creep, don’t give it or change a few digits), he looked at me and said, “‘if I would have known, I would have gone for you instead”. Classy. I’m your second choice?!?! REALLY?!?!?! Way to flatter a girl, dude. Even the creeps have no game. He then asked me what I did for a living and where I lived. My answers were as vague as possible and he kept pressuring me for an exact location of my house. I fumbled my way through a passable response and he moved on to what I’m sure he considered a more interesting topic: “I had a girlfriend who was Italian and she told me she used to get sensations (you can guess where) when she was on a swing or riding a bike”. …………………

I don’t often get speechless or lack witty responses. But, all I could pathetically mumble was “I’m not going to discuss this with a stranger.” No “I’m getting a pervert sensation right now” or “you’re not going to feel any sensations when I’m done with you”. I am supremely disappointed in myself. But, the strange thing was that while we all felt uncomfortable, no one told him to piss off, though my other friend was turning a bright shade of fuchsia in an attempt to restrain her aggression and slap-ready hands. I personally was strangely intrigued by what was going to come out of his mouth next. I was also wondering whether he’d be the type of creep that would call you incessantly and give you gifts. I wouldn’t mind the latter. Unless they were crappy gifts. Or strange ones. Luckily (or not) for us, he said he had to go back to his highly elusive friends. If you can even call them friends (assuming they exist). Real make-believe friends don’t let other friends harass girls in bars without at least buying them a round of drinks. That’s just common sense.

Lessons from this: If I have children, make sure they are properly schooled on dating/bar/general etiquette and common sense at an early age. And that they don’t have make-believe friends past age 15.

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dumb luck

It’s been approximately a week since my date with period guy. We have spoken through texts on and off for the last week and were supposed to go out tonight. I woke up this morning at 3:45 am due to the heat and needing to pee really bad. But, after going to the bathroom and turning on the fan, I could not get to sleep. My mind was racing with trying to figure out ways to get out of the date tonight. I really, really, really did not want to go. About 20 minutes ago, my friend asked me if it was nervousness. I knew it wasn’t. I had no interest in seeing him again. Why? Nothing that I could put my finger on. We had a nice time, he seemed cool, but there was something missing. I guess either I am incapable of feelings (which, if you ask my sister, you will find that I am capable of a range of emotions, sometimes all in the same day) OR I didn’t feel what people would label a connection or chemistry. If I would rather stay at home streaming past episodes of the Real Housewives eating cheese and onion chips , something is off, right?? I had to cancel, but how?! What do I say to not look like a massive bitch when I had already rescheduled once this week?

It is now late morning and I just got a text from him saying that he is too ill to make it tonight and could we reschedule for the following week. Lacking a specified day next week to reschedule to, I can only assume that while he may be sick, he actually might be feeling the same way I do. I am happy, but also slightly confused. The happy part is easy to explain. I don’t have to go and I am not the bad guy!! He can most certainly take that title and run with it. However, the part I am slightly confused about is how we both let it get this far. I mean, barring actual illness and him wanting to see me again, it is the day of the date and I am just now trying to cancel and he is just now actually cancelling. Just last night he sent me a text asking me how my day was and I gave him the location of the date that was supposed to occur tonight. Mixed signals alert on both sides!! Is it because I was trying to be too open-minded when I knew something was off? The problem comes down to trusting your instinct. I am generally pretty in-tune with my feelings. But, when it comes to dating I can sometimes confuse a lack of interest with nervousness or fear of putting myself in a position to open up to a guy, something I haven’t really had to do in a couple of years, and vice versa. When should you give a person a chance? Or is your gut always right?

What I have learned from this experience is to not beat around the bush in the future. If I’m not feeling it, I’m not going on the second date even if he’s the nicest guy in the world. But, I also be aware of the reality of my feelings and not pass them off as something they are not–being authentic. If I am being authentic and all, rejection still is annoying even if you wanted it. I guess that emotion would be pride.

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Mixed signals

I recently went on my third Tinder date. I had briefly chatted with this guy a couple of weeks ago and had dismissed him because of my lazy Tinder habits, but throw in some wine and highly encouraging friends and a date was set. I thought why not? I’m starting to blog about my experiences, so I should probably actually get some.

This guy will be nicknamed ‘period guy’. Not because he is PMSing or has actual periods, but because it’s sounds slightly nicer than ‘full stop guy’, meaning this guy uses a lot of full stops in his messages and very little other punctuation. I immediately assumed douchebag and that I would have a miserable time, so I have to admit I didn’t go into it with a completely open mind or enthusiasm of any kind. I just thought I would get it over with and hopefully spend an hour or two making pleasantries over some type of mixed drink, preferably Tequila.

He was cute, which was a good start. He was also taller than me by several inches, and I made sure to stick by my cardinal rule of always wearing flats when meeting someone who’s height is unknown. This may sound shallow, but anyone who tells you that attraction level (which to me includes the guy being tall enough where I can wear at least 3 inch heels) isn’t important is a complete liar. Once that awkward first stage was over, we went up to the bar and ordered drinks. We ended up chatting for 4 hours about every topic possible, ranging from our family to favourite movies and TV shows.  After eating dinner he indicated it was time to call it a night. After an awkward goodbye exchange (no kiss), we went our separate ways.

The next day we exchanged a couple of texts, nothing meaningful and although I hinted at a second date, so far nothing substantial has come from it. At that point I wondered, is this worth my time? Do I really want to invest in someone who is sort of whatever about the whole thing? But, my logical side perked up its annoying head and reminded me that this was a FIRST TINDER DATE, if you can really even call it a date. More like a meeting with a person who you are attracted to. I then wondered whether the rules for normal dates applied. Is it fair to expect a person to put in effort after only knowing you for a few hours? Maybe on a normal date where one person asked the other out. But here? Playing devil’s advocate, if a person is into you, it doesn’t matter how you met, right? They would ask you out again. That’s how all of my past relationships have started– the guy has pursued me from the start, no playing games, no is he interested questions. All of this assumes that I am into him, which I am not sure I am, even after 4 hours. So, I guess it’s not fair for me to judge him when I am just as guilty.

I did learn a bit about myself, which vindicates my reasons for going on the Tinder Meeting. I like to talk, a lot, and about things that probably aren’t first date appropriate. Though to be fair, he was saying similar things. But, maybe they are first Tinder Meeting appropriate! Either way, I need to work on my filter, at least for the first meeting, which is ironic because I feel that I can be very emotionally closed off. I also realised that I have no clue how to flirt. None. That’s another thing I will work on on my next Tinder Meeting. As much as I hate dating, I think I am slowly making progress.

My first time

Tinder. My first encounter with the word occurred on a bright, sunny, beautiful morning where the birds were chirping.. OK, not really. One of my friends mentioned it casually to me as an app to use if I was bored. I wasn’t really bored when I tried it, I was more annoyed at the state of my dating life which had hit rock bottom after a breakup with an ex 2 years ago. This past year I decided that I was going to become adventurous and meet new people, specifically new men. I met a few that lasted all of a week or two. Nothing really stuck.

I’m not a fan of online dating. The same friend tried to set me up with an rsvp account. I could not maintain it for more than 3 days. I guess I have a version of ADD mixed with a semi-closed off personality when it comes to dating. Most importantly, I have very little time in my day to spend trying to get to know guys in more than a superficial way. All of these attributes make me perfect for the Facebook of dating: Tinder. All I need to do is push the little green yes button and not have to wade through the countless profiles, stupid tag lines and creepy men. Then I can chat to them in a FREE messenger style context and set up a date rather than having to buy tokens to e-mail potential dates. I mean, isn’t the point of online dating to actually go on a REAL date?

I currently have been on 2 dates from Tinder and talked to countless men, which will be detailed in my next blogs. Do I expect to meet my soul mate? Extremely unlikely. But, it’s sorta fun in a very egotistical way.  I have decided to post all of my Tinder tragedies and triumphs to hopefully gain perspective. My ultimate goal is to use this as a stepping stone to being more comfortable with myself and with dating.

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