Why I deleted my RSVP account

One tipsy night, a girl friend convinced me to sign up with RSVP. “Try it babe, it’s nice to go out on dates on a Friday” and “something to look forward to and practice your flirting skills”. She walked me through her account and inbox, and I thought okay why not? That night, we answered the survey and put up a picture. Sure enough I get “kisses” the next day… Some of the guys didn’t seem to read the perimeter that I set out! Age range, height… Come on boys! Really… it’s not attractive if you can’t read and follow direction. What really creeped me out was the 50+ men who sent me “kisses”… I deleted those immediately.

I went on dates with 2 guys from RSVP: an Australian Irish lad and a middle child Aussie dude. I also exchanged emails with a few other guys, but only 2 memorable ones: a lawyer turned doctor and a Frenchie. My date with the Australian Irish lad went really well as far as a first date went. We had drinks and dinner, laughed a ton – but the sparks weren’t there. He was keen to see me again, but I only saw us as friends. When I told him this, he replied that he’d like to get to know me but if romance wasn’t in the cards then we should just wish each other the best. So I did.

I remembered hesitating when I saw the middle child Aussie dude’s pictures and profile. After second read of his profile and urging myself to be open, I sent him a “kiss” saying “I look forward to hearing from you”. A day later his email came and we exchanged a few more… he was quite happy to read and email instead of asking me out on a date. A month later he asked me out and after a rescheduling we finally met in person. I should have taken his hesitancy to ask me out, the calendar conflict, and my original hesitation as signs!

As soon as I saw him I had a sinking feeling, but it was too late to back out and too rude to walk away. So I played along. We had drinks and dinner – conversation flowed… On paper he was a nice guy. We parted ways and I could tell he wanted a kiss, so I scurried along. I should have deleted and blocked his contact then and there (shoulda, coulda, woulda but didn’t! I learned my lesson – don’t worry!!) He sent me a text that night saying what a great time he had and how he’d love to see me again.

I have to admit, it was flattering to received that text immediately and not have to wonder. I thought, “I do need to have dinner and on paper he seemed nice, let’s give him a second date and see if there’s any spark”. (Note to you all online daters out there… your gut feeling is usually right!) However, even half an hour before the date, I had no motivation to go. It was too late to cancel and I pride myself on not being a flake, so I trudged along. I saw him and thought gosh I’d rather be anywhere but here! I should have turned around and run like mad.

During dinner he came on way too strong… He made plans later in the year for us, asking me to send him updates when I was away on my scheduled vacation, asking me on a third date when I was days away from going on vacation… Who the hell is this guy?! Suddenly, I was frantically yet subtly scanning the room for a quick exit. I felt like a cornered animal! The icing on the cake came when we exited the restaurant and he said to me “hey, I’m not a stalker but I’m gonna walk you home okay?…” No, you’re not buddy. I walked him to a random intersection and lost him there, but before I made my escape he grabbed me and kissed me. I pleaded discomfort over PDA and dashed off.

The next day I sent him a text saying thank you for the date, but that it’s best if we wish each other the best. A couple of hours later, I received a reply which confirmed that I had indeed bruise his ego and that he was in fact reading me wrong. His text claimed that I was a materialistic princess,  that he was chasing me for sex, while also being racist and nationalist.

Thank you for sending me that my dear middle child Aussie dude. I felt bad sending you that text, but your reply freed me of any guilt and regret. In fact, it made me so grateful and relieved that I did. Good luck with your love life… I hope you will find some maturity and realize that rejection is part of life.

I would be lying if I say that this bizarre experience did not factor in my decision to close my RSVP account before it’s 3 month anniversary. I like the way Tinder works, at least for right now. It only allows you to chat with people you are attracted to. In real life, when you meet a person you have an instant reaction: like, dislike, or neutral. Well, Tinder recreates this – and as with my experience with that second child Aussie dude, I have to say in online dating your gut instinct is right…most of the time.

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First day of Tindering

Yes, it’s a verb for me now… I tinder. I was tindering. I tindered. I have tindered. I will tinder. *sigh* Laugh or cry as you will. It is what it is.

Within 24 hours of installing Tinder, I had around 10-20 matches. It felt like winning a game–it was gratifying. My ego was stroked – the people I found attractive thought I was attractive too! I also like the fact that only those you find attractive can talk to you as opposed to mainstream dating sites where people outside your specified age range, location or other filter you set, sent you random messages. What used to annoy me the most was the constant stream of older men sending me messages. Really… can you not read?! But I digress, I am telling you about my fist day of tindering and my first ever date from Tinder.

“Tinder said that our kids are gonna be good looking” was what Kiwi Photographer said to me as his opening line at 7am on a Sunday morning. Curious with how this whole thing worked on Tinder, I played along and he invited me for coffee that afternoon. Yup, same afternoon! Thinking that I did need my weekend cup of coffee, I thought why not… To further psych myself up, I thought this coffee is or should be free anyway! With these thoughts and an open mind, I off I went.

He was only 1 or 2 inches taller than me. He looked like his picture, but what can I say? Height is an important attractiveness measure for me. We chatted for a bit, he got me coffee, and yes it was awkward. Luckily for me, I had an afternoon tea scheduled so I left. Keeping an open mind and telling myself that I couldn’t possibly judge a guy after only meeting him for 30 minutes, I responded to his messages afterwards. That is until he said that we could not go on coffee dates forever and proposed to come over with a six pack for a movie…

Ha… is that what you call it these days?!

Oh…, hello!! Welcome to the world of Tinder – where all bets are off.

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Going Blonde Part II

It’s been less than a week since my last date with Blondie and I already had a third date. Yeah, I’m also wow-ed. Our second dinner date went really well. I picked a restaurant in Darlinghurst from the list of options he gave me. Blondie was waiting for me in front of the restaurant when I arrived. After a huge smile and a kiss on the cheek he told me that he tried to get a booking, but since the restaurant only accepted bookings for 8+ people he arrived early to put his name down for us. Ha… a list of options for restaurants and small bars, called ahead to book and when that didn’t happen, he went early to put his name down. Blondie has earned A+ for effort. Impressed!

During dinner he admitted that he had sourced those restaurant and small bar recommendations from his housemate of 2 weeks and half of his office workmates. Again, I was impressed by his effort. We shared our food and conversation flowed easily. I stared at him confirming that he was indeed cute. I guess I was pretty amazed at how this cute blonde that I met on Tinder of all places made such an effort for our second date. I suppose after a few disastrous dates of my own and friend stories, I was wondering if a ‘catch’ actually existed. Cynical of me, I know… When I offered to split dinner bill, Blondie declined, explaining that he asked me out so it’s his treat. He scored some brownie points with that. He’s good.

After dinner we ended up at a nearby small bar and had a drink each. I insisted on getting this one because I hate feeling that I owe someone. We chatted and chatted, the next time I glanced at my watch it was already 10:55pm! Where had the 4 hours gone?! As we walked back to catch our trains, we continued telling stories. I felt really comfortable around him and am amazed how easy it felt, no awkwardness or weird vibe. He stole the first kiss when we were waiting for the pedestrian traffic light to turn green. I had been wondering what it would felt like to kiss him during dinner and now I didn’t have to. How was it? Let’s just borrow a line from Katy Perry’s song and change it a little shall we? “I kissed a [blonde] and I liked it”. When we parted at the station, he stole another one but I suppose I was willing to give it anyway by that point. I just wished the lighting was more suitable for the mood of that moment!

Blondie later sent me a text telling me what a great time he had at dinner and wished me a good night. I liked that I don’t have to wonder with Blondie regarding whether or not he likes me. I love that he’s so straightforward and direct… it’s refreshing! I feel like I’m going on dates to get to know him as opposed to figuring out what’s his game is. Everyday as sure as the sun rises in the east, I’d get at least 2 texts from him – no clingy-ness, no games, no guesswork, no waiting games. The next day we ended up chatting via text where he playfully told me about his date last night and how he wished he had more time to steal a third kiss. To which I replied that maybe he should ask his date out again if can fit it in with his busy work schedule. His reply? He sure can find time because it’s all a matter of prioritization… I was as impressed as Michael Caine’s Victor Melling character in Miss Congeniality when Gracie Hart answered the beauty pageant’s questions well.

Long story short, he asked me out on a third date and I accepted. This time we planned on going for coffee and he was off researching again. Alas, it had to be done during the weekend so he’d only have his housemate and the internet to source from and forgo his office mates.

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Mixed signals

I recently went on my third Tinder date. I had briefly chatted with this guy a couple of weeks ago and had dismissed him because of my lazy Tinder habits, but throw in some wine and highly encouraging friends and a date was set. I thought why not? I’m starting to blog about my experiences, so I should probably actually get some.

This guy will be nicknamed ‘period guy’. Not because he is PMSing or has actual periods, but because it’s sounds slightly nicer than ‘full stop guy’, meaning this guy uses a lot of full stops in his messages and very little other punctuation. I immediately assumed douchebag and that I would have a miserable time, so I have to admit I didn’t go into it with a completely open mind or enthusiasm of any kind. I just thought I would get it over with and hopefully spend an hour or two making pleasantries over some type of mixed drink, preferably Tequila.

He was cute, which was a good start. He was also taller than me by several inches, and I made sure to stick by my cardinal rule of always wearing flats when meeting someone who’s height is unknown. This may sound shallow, but anyone who tells you that attraction level (which to me includes the guy being tall enough where I can wear at least 3 inch heels) isn’t important is a complete liar. Once that awkward first stage was over, we went up to the bar and ordered drinks. We ended up chatting for 4 hours about every topic possible, ranging from our family to favourite movies and TV shows.  After eating dinner he indicated it was time to call it a night. After an awkward goodbye exchange (no kiss), we went our separate ways.

The next day we exchanged a couple of texts, nothing meaningful and although I hinted at a second date, so far nothing substantial has come from it. At that point I wondered, is this worth my time? Do I really want to invest in someone who is sort of whatever about the whole thing? But, my logical side perked up its annoying head and reminded me that this was a FIRST TINDER DATE, if you can really even call it a date. More like a meeting with a person who you are attracted to. I then wondered whether the rules for normal dates applied. Is it fair to expect a person to put in effort after only knowing you for a few hours? Maybe on a normal date where one person asked the other out. But here? Playing devil’s advocate, if a person is into you, it doesn’t matter how you met, right? They would ask you out again. That’s how all of my past relationships have started– the guy has pursued me from the start, no playing games, no is he interested questions. All of this assumes that I am into him, which I am not sure I am, even after 4 hours. So, I guess it’s not fair for me to judge him when I am just as guilty.

I did learn a bit about myself, which vindicates my reasons for going on the Tinder Meeting. I like to talk, a lot, and about things that probably aren’t first date appropriate. Though to be fair, he was saying similar things. But, maybe they are first Tinder Meeting appropriate! Either way, I need to work on my filter, at least for the first meeting, which is ironic because I feel that I can be very emotionally closed off. I also realised that I have no clue how to flirt. None. That’s another thing I will work on on my next Tinder Meeting. As much as I hate dating, I think I am slowly making progress.

Going Blonde

It’s a little bit past 5pm and I am getting excited for my date tonight. It’s a second date. Yes, you do get a second date from Tinder– I shall let you know if you can get a third. I received a text message from Blondie this morning with three restaurant options for dinner and five options of small bars for drinks afterwards. I have to applaud his effort. It’s nice to know that a guy is hustling to plan a date with you.

When I went on my first date with him, I chuckled to myself. Why? Because I had never gone on a date with light brown – borderline blonde haired, blue eyed guy. I had always been attracted to tall, dark, and handsome. Perhaps it was my trip to Sweden this year that changed my mind. I discovered that Swedish men are very attractive (okay, not all…. but a large number!) whether they are dark haired or blonde. I felt like my eyes had been opened and now I have more options to consider! Hot blonde Swede. Case in point: Henrik Lundqvist, hockey player

That first date with Blondie was a week ago. He suggested drinks but since he’s rather new to Sydney, he asked for some suggestions. I gave him 3, one around the Rocks area and 2 in Surry Hills. He picked one in Surry Hills and I was 10 minutes late. Ooops. We had 2 drinks and a long conversation. I couldn’t help but stare into his blue eyes. I found them fascinating and I really wanted to see what kind of blue they were. I had to refrain myself though– I barely knew the guy. I really didn’t want him to think I was head over heels! I really just curious about his eyes! Oh… okay, I suppose I was checking him out. There, I admit it. He was definitely better in person than his pictures. I liked 3 out of his 4 pictures, which is why I had to check him out to make sure that the 4th picture was a fluke and that the other 3 were not just lucky angles. The verdict? He’s cute and has a lovely personality.

We parted ways at Central where he kissed me on the cheek and told me that he had a great time and he’d love to see me again. Awww… nice… sure, but it’s almost a common courtesy to do that. I personally don’t, but I know guys who’d say “I’ll call you”, “I’ll text you”, etc and never did. So I smiled and said “good night”. Before I went to bed that night, I received a text from Blondie reiterating what he said earlier. That’s sweet, but only time will tell. They are all guilty, until proven otherwise 😉 Or maybe he caught me staring at his eyes earlier and thought ”this girl is under my spell”!!!

A couple of days later Blondie and I exchanged a few texts. He asked me out again that same day. On a whim, I asked him what he was looking for: relationship or casual encounter. He replied that he was looking for a relationship and wouldn’t asked out a girl if he’s not interested in getting to know her. Good answer, but again who knows what a person’s true motivation is? He’s been so direct and straightforward, which I found refreshing so I decided to go on a second date. I gave him one condition: he has to plan this one. And he did… researched, gave me options. I’m impressed so far Blondie!

Not all my Tinder dates have been good though, and I shall tell you about my first Tinder date ever on my next post. For now, I look forward to this dinner.

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My first time

Tinder. My first encounter with the word occurred on a bright, sunny, beautiful morning where the birds were chirping.. OK, not really. One of my friends mentioned it casually to me as an app to use if I was bored. I wasn’t really bored when I tried it, I was more annoyed at the state of my dating life which had hit rock bottom after a breakup with an ex 2 years ago. This past year I decided that I was going to become adventurous and meet new people, specifically new men. I met a few that lasted all of a week or two. Nothing really stuck.

I’m not a fan of online dating. The same friend tried to set me up with an rsvp account. I could not maintain it for more than 3 days. I guess I have a version of ADD mixed with a semi-closed off personality when it comes to dating. Most importantly, I have very little time in my day to spend trying to get to know guys in more than a superficial way. All of these attributes make me perfect for the Facebook of dating: Tinder. All I need to do is push the little green yes button and not have to wade through the countless profiles, stupid tag lines and creepy men. Then I can chat to them in a FREE messenger style context and set up a date rather than having to buy tokens to e-mail potential dates. I mean, isn’t the point of online dating to actually go on a REAL date?

I currently have been on 2 dates from Tinder and talked to countless men, which will be detailed in my next blogs. Do I expect to meet my soul mate? Extremely unlikely. But, it’s sorta fun in a very egotistical way.  I have decided to post all of my Tinder tragedies and triumphs to hopefully gain perspective. My ultimate goal is to use this as a stepping stone to being more comfortable with myself and with dating.

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How did it start

Sometime in April this year, I was organizing a catch up dinner with my friends when I realized that I would be the only single person. Yet, in the 5 weeks before the dinner, most of the couples broke up, with only 2 couples remaining. Must be something in the air!

My social butterfly friend announced merrily that she was excited to embark on singlehood and that she has found this fun app… Yep, you guessed it, Tinder. A week or two later, another friend signed up with tinder. Then another one! I was curious, but because you have to sign up with Facebook, I was concern about anonymity when ‘liking’ someone on Tinder. I DON’T want everyone to know who I think is hot or not!

My friend assured me that you will only be notified if both you and the guy (or girl) like each other. Phew… Okay, so I went to my App store, searched for Tinder, and downloaded it. Within 5 minutes, I was sold on the whole Tinder thing. Suddenly, I felt like I was curating the Sydney male population. It was so easy and quick as there were no annoying profiles to read.

Does it feel like it’s a vanity contest? Sure! But admit it — when you’re out and about everyone checks everyone out. The difference is that you can choose which pictures you want to be shown and it leaves the guessing game out of it. If you both think each other is attractive based on the pictures, Tinder lets you know. The rest is up to you.

Does it sound like there will be tons of guys who are just in it for a one night stand? Oh yes, and girls too!

So is Tinder the right place to look for Mr. Right? I don’t know. Maybe not … probably not. All I know is that I have gotten tons of matches and been on 10 dates. Sometimes I had 3 dates in a week… (dating suddenly feels like a full time job!)

The jury is out and only time will tell, but I’m willing to give it a go. What have I got to lose?!

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