Tag Archives: Relationships

Two may not always be company, but three is definitely a crowd

In my early Tinder days, I was very naive and innocent. I was yesing and noing people during my free time, feeling that little ping of excitement when I got a match, pondering if the guy with the cute dog would be anything like his photos and whether I could meet his dog. My ego was being stroked and I liked it.

One fine day, I matched with a guy who seemed nice, was well traveled and had the cute nerd look going for him. He messaged me and we chatted for a bit, eventually moving the forum to Facebook (soooo stupid). He was very persistent in the beginning which I mistakenly attributed to him being “soo different” than the rest of the male population in their slow and often non-existent approach to asking a woman out. Though, I have to admit it was a little weird, even for me, when he asked to meet me at his place so we could make out without having actually met me. But, I ignored that comment thinking that even if he was a little pushy, he probably wasn’t a serial killer based on the 1 mutual friend we had in common.

I was right about that part (to my knowledge). We met up a few days later and went to a restaurant for dinner. Before I went out, I went through all the proper precautions of giving his name, Tinder picture, number and a 5 hour limit to call the cops instructions to my sister. When we got to the restaurant, our table wasn’t ready and so we sat at the bar where he proceeded to order a bottle of wine. Totally normal, right?! Perhaps, if he wasn’t the one driving, therefore leaving the heavy lifting (or, in this case, drinking) to me. Normally I would be totally happy to down a bottle or two. And, being inexperienced in the Tinder world, I thought a little liquid courage would be a good thing. Except, I kinda had a busy day where I didn’t get much food in me. And, I sorta downed the bottle before we got to the mains. So, ladies and gents, I was pretty, prettyyyy drunk. This is not a good idea on a first date, let alone a Tinder date with a guy who is a stranger and touchy feely. It definitely loosened me up a little (the wine, that is). My judgement was definitely impaired. To his credit, the restaurant and food from what I recall were amazing and he had some semi-interesting things to say, especially later on in the night.

We finished dinner, during which we (mostly me) had a few more glasses of wine. We then went and got desert from a nearby cafe and then sat in a park to eat it. I noticed we were seated away from the rest of the population, which I took as a sign he was about to make a move. I drunkingly pondered it and thought, why not? It’s just a kiss. You can’t get too many diseases from a kiss. Plus, good practice!!  He, as predicted, made his move and he was actually a good kisser (I am fairly certain). But, it was a little strange when he proceeded to eat/lick off the lip balm I had just applied because he “liked the taste”. It went even more downhill from there. I stupidly told him he was a good kisser and he proudly declared “I am good with my tongue”. I laughed it off, apparently finding it hilarious in that moment (and …interesting now). He then made the obviously logical transition to threesomes and announced that he had recently participated in one “with two girls” after I queried whether it involved a guy and a girl (don’t ask me why–I guess it was my feeble attempt at flirting? though I am not sure why I was flirting…). I replied with “cool”. He then asked if I wanted to move this to his house. I guess I can’t blame the guy, I was inviting this sort of behaviour. But, he proceeded to ask me back 4 more times to “cuddle”. HA. Right. Totally. I was drunk but not that drunk.

I then told him that I didn’t think it was a good idea, to which he replied that if I was worried he wouldn’t call me the next day, that was silly because I was a “babe”. I remember thinking that I wasn’t worried about that, but rather what kind of STD’s he was going to have based on his extra curricular activities. Needless to say, I did not go home with him.

I honestly thought his attention would soon be drawn elsewhere. Nope. I got messages from him for the next week, especially on a particular day where he messaged me “happy hump day”. My favourite, though, was when he asked me how to pronounce my name (I have a slightly unusual spelling) and he proceeded to tell me how I could pronounce his name. Here’s a hint—he has a completely normal name, it just sounds similar to a certain male bodily fluid (I’ll let you guess which one). Such a thoughtful guy! I made the decision to cut this off before I got some unwelcome house calls (he dropped me off as I figured I would probably feel the same level of discomfort catching public transport back to my house). I sent him a very discrete, polite and to the point message. It apparently worked….Not so fast. He messaged me a couple of weeks later asking if he could convince me to hang out again. Thanks, but no thanks. You seem nice, but am not sure we are looking for the same umm experience? 🙂

Lesson from this: Don’t drink and Tinder date. Bad news. Do not ask questions/make comments that invite potentially awkward answers. Lastly, threesomes are not a good first date topic unless you actually plan on having one.

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WTF

Rant time.

Guy (and girls) WHY do you have to screw up the beginning of a relationship/friendship/etc with fucking weird text messages?!?!

As you may recall, period guy and I were supposedly dunzo. However, he messaged me several times apologizing for canceling and wanting to catch up and he seemed like a nice enough guy so I told him (AS A PREFACE –against my much better judgment) that I was busy for the next few weeks (not an excuse but an actuality) and would like to catch up after, but that if he couldn’t be bothered, not to worry. He told me no problem and that he would also like to catch up. I thought, what a nice guy, what a refreshing change–a guy who doesn’t just want to get in my pants as soon as he can!

Well, I was wrong. He sent me a text earlier today asking if it would ruin our friendship if he sent me a shirtless picture. HUH??? Where did that come from. A. I didn’t know a 4 hour Tinder date = a friendship. B. REALLY? No offense, but you’re not exactly Vin Diesel. I really don’t want or need to see that at this point.

I don’t get it. He said he had a few drinks. Cool. But if you’re still coherent enough to use correct grammar and punctuation (all periods, still living up to his name) in your texts you are NOT drunk enough to justify sending messages like that. And no, it wasn’t his friend who grabbed his phone because he later told me to “forget it, it was just for the hell of it”. The hell of what? It was going so well! I was actually going to message you in a few weeks. I actually had some respect for you. That is completely gone now. So thanks for showing your true colours before I gave up another 4 hours of my time to work on our lovely “friendship”. You have been officially deleted from my phone. Douche.

I realise people make mistakes and say stupid shit. I am just annoyed and saddened that he made me feel cheap. I know it’s Tinder we’re talking about, but is that really an excuse?

Lesson from this: Don’t drink and text folks. And if you want to push a girl/guy away, absolutely do send then crazy ass texts (unless of course they are into that sort of shit). Stop being so damn nice to people. Sometimes they do not deserve a second chance (or text).

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He’s just not that into me

discombobulate – dis·com·bob·u·late|ˌdiskəmˈbäbyəˌlāt|

verb [ trans. ] humorous disconcert or confuse (someone) : this attitude totally discombobulated Bruce | [asadj. ] (discombobulated) he is looking a little pained and discombobulated.

It’s not dating if you don’t feel discombobulated. This word describes perfectly how I feel about Soccer stud. We were matched one Sunday night and ended up discovering that we both went to schools in the same area. Potentially we could have been on the same train or bus way back then. What a great cute meet story hey? Attraction point #1.

I discovered that he plays soccer and basketball. Team sports kinda guy. I approve. Attraction point #2. He asked how tall I was and he told me that he’s 6″2. Again, I approve. Attraction point #3.

We share the same philosophy in dating: you still should have your own lives and friends instead of merging two individuals into one couple personality. Attraction point #4. He cleans. Attraction #5.

He asked what I was up to in the upcoming week, I cheekily added “… going on a date if I were asked”. And he did, so we set a date for Thursday. Everyday till Thursday, he’d message me daily and we would chat. Conversation flowed easily. Thursday came around and he was early. Tall, dark haired with dimples. I found him cute and attractive. We had drinks and chatted for a couple of hours, then had dinner and the next time I glanced at my watch, it was near midnight. We were spending 5+ hours on this first date.

When we said good bye and he leaned down, I could feel his brain thinking do I kiss on the cheek or the lips? I guess my telepathy didn’t work because he kissed me on the cheek instead. He said he’d message me, or tinder me. I laughed and we went on own ways. 30 minutes later, he sent me a text while on the train saying “I forgot to tell you that you look gorgeous tonight”.

The next morning I decided to take a chance and told him that I think he’s cute. Again, he messaged me daily. The following week, he kept on asking me what I was doing, but not asking me out. So I thought ok, let’s take one for the team and suggested we hang out on Friday.

Somewhere between the first date and Friday, he said with an “lol” that I was aggressive for not taking a while to get him to ask me out. I thought I was being cheeky, but everyone sees things differently. I asked him how he would have preferred it to unfold and he said he would probably wait a little later before asking me out. When I joked if we should cancel Friday and wait till he asks me, he said no and insisted we meet. It turns out that I could only meet him in the morning and he was good to wake up early and drive to wherever. We spent 2 hours easily while having breakfast and if I didn’t have to go, I think we could easily stay another hour. Again, he kissed me on the cheek when we parted. Then I didn’t hear from him for a week till he sent me a one liner “what’s happening tonight?”

I felt discombobulated. We spent 5+ hours on our first date, he sent me a text after he didn’t kiss me saying that he thought I was gorgeous. He said yes to breakfast instead of sleeping in and again spent a good two hours for breakfast. I didn’t get it. Well… I do now, I just didn’t want to admit it because any type of rejection sucks. I gotta let it go and accept that ‘he’s just not that into me‘. It was easier to feel confusion and discombobulation than think that he’s not into me.

confused meme 3

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Chai tea disaster

This post has nothing to do with Tinder. So if you’re obsessed with it and don’t care about any other topics, I suggest you stop reading. Please don’t! I still want you to read! I promise this story will be just as entertaining as any Tinder meeting, if not more entertaining.

It starts as most stories about a crazy guy do– at a bar. It was the long weekend. My friends and I decided to grab a few drinks and sat at a sweet table on the balcony. We had an amazing view of the park where couples were awkwardly kissing (and where I had a previous Tinder kiss) and of a gelato store where we would later eat tiramisu and rum raisin flavoured gelato…mmm…I digress. I was on my third shot of tequila, my friends on their 3rd or 4th glass of vodka soda or some equivalent. The room was full of cute men. All was right in my world.

And then he appeared. A seemingly harmless guy who I thought was just going to deliver some cheesy pick up line and then disappear when it was not well received. I was wrong. His first sentences were whether we were all friends and if we hung out in the city much. Innocent enough, right? We all awkwardly laughed and avoided eye contact. I shifted further towards my friend’s boyfriend (I guess looking for some sort of manly protection). We brushed it off, but he persisted. “Do you live around here?” “I don’t have many friends and would like to go to dinner with you guys.” “I go there all the time, we should meet up there tomorrow, give me your number”. At this point I sort of felt sorry for him. He seemed socially awkward and desperate. He directed most of his attention to my friend with the boyfriend. She’s got double D’s. That probably has nothing at all to do with it. But, on the off chance it does, I can’t say I blame him– I already stare at them and I’m a girl.  He hilariously assumed that when she said that she and her boyfriend were having a family dinner with his mum that they were related. Her boyfriend’s take? “We’re dating, I guess.” They’ve been together 6 months, seeing each other for 8 or 9. Said the three big words. He would later say he was trying to play “cool”, I suppose in front of his new, not-hitting-on-his-girlfriend, friend. My friend promised she would have her revenge later that night. I’m hoping it involved whips.

Once he found out she was taken and after she gave him her REAL number (remember peeps, if he’s a creep, don’t give it or change a few digits), he looked at me and said, “‘if I would have known, I would have gone for you instead”. Classy. I’m your second choice?!?! REALLY?!?!?! Way to flatter a girl, dude. Even the creeps have no game. He then asked me what I did for a living and where I lived. My answers were as vague as possible and he kept pressuring me for an exact location of my house. I fumbled my way through a passable response and he moved on to what I’m sure he considered a more interesting topic: “I had a girlfriend who was Italian and she told me she used to get sensations (you can guess where) when she was on a swing or riding a bike”. …………………

I don’t often get speechless or lack witty responses. But, all I could pathetically mumble was “I’m not going to discuss this with a stranger.” No “I’m getting a pervert sensation right now” or “you’re not going to feel any sensations when I’m done with you”. I am supremely disappointed in myself. But, the strange thing was that while we all felt uncomfortable, no one told him to piss off, though my other friend was turning a bright shade of fuchsia in an attempt to restrain her aggression and slap-ready hands. I personally was strangely intrigued by what was going to come out of his mouth next. I was also wondering whether he’d be the type of creep that would call you incessantly and give you gifts. I wouldn’t mind the latter. Unless they were crappy gifts. Or strange ones. Luckily (or not) for us, he said he had to go back to his highly elusive friends. If you can even call them friends (assuming they exist). Real make-believe friends don’t let other friends harass girls in bars without at least buying them a round of drinks. That’s just common sense.

Lessons from this: If I have children, make sure they are properly schooled on dating/bar/general etiquette and common sense at an early age. And that they don’t have make-believe friends past age 15.

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Why I deleted my RSVP account

One tipsy night, a girl friend convinced me to sign up with RSVP. “Try it babe, it’s nice to go out on dates on a Friday” and “something to look forward to and practice your flirting skills”. She walked me through her account and inbox, and I thought okay why not? That night, we answered the survey and put up a picture. Sure enough I get “kisses” the next day… Some of the guys didn’t seem to read the perimeter that I set out! Age range, height… Come on boys! Really… it’s not attractive if you can’t read and follow direction. What really creeped me out was the 50+ men who sent me “kisses”… I deleted those immediately.

I went on dates with 2 guys from RSVP: an Australian Irish lad and a middle child Aussie dude. I also exchanged emails with a few other guys, but only 2 memorable ones: a lawyer turned doctor and a Frenchie. My date with the Australian Irish lad went really well as far as a first date went. We had drinks and dinner, laughed a ton – but the sparks weren’t there. He was keen to see me again, but I only saw us as friends. When I told him this, he replied that he’d like to get to know me but if romance wasn’t in the cards then we should just wish each other the best. So I did.

I remembered hesitating when I saw the middle child Aussie dude’s pictures and profile. After second read of his profile and urging myself to be open, I sent him a “kiss” saying “I look forward to hearing from you”. A day later his email came and we exchanged a few more… he was quite happy to read and email instead of asking me out on a date. A month later he asked me out and after a rescheduling we finally met in person. I should have taken his hesitancy to ask me out, the calendar conflict, and my original hesitation as signs!

As soon as I saw him I had a sinking feeling, but it was too late to back out and too rude to walk away. So I played along. We had drinks and dinner – conversation flowed… On paper he was a nice guy. We parted ways and I could tell he wanted a kiss, so I scurried along. I should have deleted and blocked his contact then and there (shoulda, coulda, woulda but didn’t! I learned my lesson – don’t worry!!) He sent me a text that night saying what a great time he had and how he’d love to see me again.

I have to admit, it was flattering to received that text immediately and not have to wonder. I thought, “I do need to have dinner and on paper he seemed nice, let’s give him a second date and see if there’s any spark”. (Note to you all online daters out there… your gut feeling is usually right!) However, even half an hour before the date, I had no motivation to go. It was too late to cancel and I pride myself on not being a flake, so I trudged along. I saw him and thought gosh I’d rather be anywhere but here! I should have turned around and run like mad.

During dinner he came on way too strong… He made plans later in the year for us, asking me to send him updates when I was away on my scheduled vacation, asking me on a third date when I was days away from going on vacation… Who the hell is this guy?! Suddenly, I was frantically yet subtly scanning the room for a quick exit. I felt like a cornered animal! The icing on the cake came when we exited the restaurant and he said to me “hey, I’m not a stalker but I’m gonna walk you home okay?…” No, you’re not buddy. I walked him to a random intersection and lost him there, but before I made my escape he grabbed me and kissed me. I pleaded discomfort over PDA and dashed off.

The next day I sent him a text saying thank you for the date, but that it’s best if we wish each other the best. A couple of hours later, I received a reply which confirmed that I had indeed bruise his ego and that he was in fact reading me wrong. His text claimed that I was a materialistic princess,  that he was chasing me for sex, while also being racist and nationalist.

Thank you for sending me that my dear middle child Aussie dude. I felt bad sending you that text, but your reply freed me of any guilt and regret. In fact, it made me so grateful and relieved that I did. Good luck with your love life… I hope you will find some maturity and realize that rejection is part of life.

I would be lying if I say that this bizarre experience did not factor in my decision to close my RSVP account before it’s 3 month anniversary. I like the way Tinder works, at least for right now. It only allows you to chat with people you are attracted to. In real life, when you meet a person you have an instant reaction: like, dislike, or neutral. Well, Tinder recreates this – and as with my experience with that second child Aussie dude, I have to say in online dating your gut instinct is right…most of the time.

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Going Blonde

It’s a little bit past 5pm and I am getting excited for my date tonight. It’s a second date. Yes, you do get a second date from Tinder– I shall let you know if you can get a third. I received a text message from Blondie this morning with three restaurant options for dinner and five options of small bars for drinks afterwards. I have to applaud his effort. It’s nice to know that a guy is hustling to plan a date with you.

When I went on my first date with him, I chuckled to myself. Why? Because I had never gone on a date with light brown – borderline blonde haired, blue eyed guy. I had always been attracted to tall, dark, and handsome. Perhaps it was my trip to Sweden this year that changed my mind. I discovered that Swedish men are very attractive (okay, not all…. but a large number!) whether they are dark haired or blonde. I felt like my eyes had been opened and now I have more options to consider! Hot blonde Swede. Case in point: Henrik Lundqvist, hockey player

That first date with Blondie was a week ago. He suggested drinks but since he’s rather new to Sydney, he asked for some suggestions. I gave him 3, one around the Rocks area and 2 in Surry Hills. He picked one in Surry Hills and I was 10 minutes late. Ooops. We had 2 drinks and a long conversation. I couldn’t help but stare into his blue eyes. I found them fascinating and I really wanted to see what kind of blue they were. I had to refrain myself though– I barely knew the guy. I really didn’t want him to think I was head over heels! I really just curious about his eyes! Oh… okay, I suppose I was checking him out. There, I admit it. He was definitely better in person than his pictures. I liked 3 out of his 4 pictures, which is why I had to check him out to make sure that the 4th picture was a fluke and that the other 3 were not just lucky angles. The verdict? He’s cute and has a lovely personality.

We parted ways at Central where he kissed me on the cheek and told me that he had a great time and he’d love to see me again. Awww… nice… sure, but it’s almost a common courtesy to do that. I personally don’t, but I know guys who’d say “I’ll call you”, “I’ll text you”, etc and never did. So I smiled and said “good night”. Before I went to bed that night, I received a text from Blondie reiterating what he said earlier. That’s sweet, but only time will tell. They are all guilty, until proven otherwise 😉 Or maybe he caught me staring at his eyes earlier and thought ”this girl is under my spell”!!!

A couple of days later Blondie and I exchanged a few texts. He asked me out again that same day. On a whim, I asked him what he was looking for: relationship or casual encounter. He replied that he was looking for a relationship and wouldn’t asked out a girl if he’s not interested in getting to know her. Good answer, but again who knows what a person’s true motivation is? He’s been so direct and straightforward, which I found refreshing so I decided to go on a second date. I gave him one condition: he has to plan this one. And he did… researched, gave me options. I’m impressed so far Blondie!

Not all my Tinder dates have been good though, and I shall tell you about my first Tinder date ever on my next post. For now, I look forward to this dinner.

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My first time

Tinder. My first encounter with the word occurred on a bright, sunny, beautiful morning where the birds were chirping.. OK, not really. One of my friends mentioned it casually to me as an app to use if I was bored. I wasn’t really bored when I tried it, I was more annoyed at the state of my dating life which had hit rock bottom after a breakup with an ex 2 years ago. This past year I decided that I was going to become adventurous and meet new people, specifically new men. I met a few that lasted all of a week or two. Nothing really stuck.

I’m not a fan of online dating. The same friend tried to set me up with an rsvp account. I could not maintain it for more than 3 days. I guess I have a version of ADD mixed with a semi-closed off personality when it comes to dating. Most importantly, I have very little time in my day to spend trying to get to know guys in more than a superficial way. All of these attributes make me perfect for the Facebook of dating: Tinder. All I need to do is push the little green yes button and not have to wade through the countless profiles, stupid tag lines and creepy men. Then I can chat to them in a FREE messenger style context and set up a date rather than having to buy tokens to e-mail potential dates. I mean, isn’t the point of online dating to actually go on a REAL date?

I currently have been on 2 dates from Tinder and talked to countless men, which will be detailed in my next blogs. Do I expect to meet my soul mate? Extremely unlikely. But, it’s sorta fun in a very egotistical way.  I have decided to post all of my Tinder tragedies and triumphs to hopefully gain perspective. My ultimate goal is to use this as a stepping stone to being more comfortable with myself and with dating.

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