Tag Archives: second date

He’s just not that into me

discombobulate – dis·com·bob·u·late|ˌdiskəmˈbäbyəˌlāt|

verb [ trans. ] humorous disconcert or confuse (someone) : this attitude totally discombobulated Bruce | [asadj. ] (discombobulated) he is looking a little pained and discombobulated.

It’s not dating if you don’t feel discombobulated. This word describes perfectly how I feel about Soccer stud. We were matched one Sunday night and ended up discovering that we both went to schools in the same area. Potentially we could have been on the same train or bus way back then. What a great cute meet story hey? Attraction point #1.

I discovered that he plays soccer and basketball. Team sports kinda guy. I approve. Attraction point #2. He asked how tall I was and he told me that he’s 6″2. Again, I approve. Attraction point #3.

We share the same philosophy in dating: you still should have your own lives and friends instead of merging two individuals into one couple personality. Attraction point #4. He cleans. Attraction #5.

He asked what I was up to in the upcoming week, I cheekily added “… going on a date if I were asked”. And he did, so we set a date for Thursday. Everyday till Thursday, he’d message me daily and we would chat. Conversation flowed easily. Thursday came around and he was early. Tall, dark haired with dimples. I found him cute and attractive. We had drinks and chatted for a couple of hours, then had dinner and the next time I glanced at my watch, it was near midnight. We were spending 5+ hours on this first date.

When we said good bye and he leaned down, I could feel his brain thinking do I kiss on the cheek or the lips? I guess my telepathy didn’t work because he kissed me on the cheek instead. He said he’d message me, or tinder me. I laughed and we went on own ways. 30 minutes later, he sent me a text while on the train saying “I forgot to tell you that you look gorgeous tonight”.

The next morning I decided to take a chance and told him that I think he’s cute. Again, he messaged me daily. The following week, he kept on asking me what I was doing, but not asking me out. So I thought ok, let’s take one for the team and suggested we hang out on Friday.

Somewhere between the first date and Friday, he said with an “lol” that I was aggressive for not taking a while to get him to ask me out. I thought I was being cheeky, but everyone sees things differently. I asked him how he would have preferred it to unfold and he said he would probably wait a little later before asking me out. When I joked if we should cancel Friday and wait till he asks me, he said no and insisted we meet. It turns out that I could only meet him in the morning and he was good to wake up early and drive to wherever. We spent 2 hours easily while having breakfast and if I didn’t have to go, I think we could easily stay another hour. Again, he kissed me on the cheek when we parted. Then I didn’t hear from him for a week till he sent me a one liner “what’s happening tonight?”

I felt discombobulated. We spent 5+ hours on our first date, he sent me a text after he didn’t kiss me saying that he thought I was gorgeous. He said yes to breakfast instead of sleeping in and again spent a good two hours for breakfast. I didn’t get it. Well… I do now, I just didn’t want to admit it because any type of rejection sucks. I gotta let it go and accept that ‘he’s just not that into me‘. It was easier to feel confusion and discombobulation than think that he’s not into me.

confused meme 3

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dumb luck

It’s been approximately a week since my date with period guy. We have spoken through texts on and off for the last week and were supposed to go out tonight. I woke up this morning at 3:45 am due to the heat and needing to pee really bad. But, after going to the bathroom and turning on the fan, I could not get to sleep. My mind was racing with trying to figure out ways to get out of the date tonight. I really, really, really did not want to go. About 20 minutes ago, my friend asked me if it was nervousness. I knew it wasn’t. I had no interest in seeing him again. Why? Nothing that I could put my finger on. We had a nice time, he seemed cool, but there was something missing. I guess either I am incapable of feelings (which, if you ask my sister, you will find that I am capable of a range of emotions, sometimes all in the same day) OR I didn’t feel what people would label a connection or chemistry. If I would rather stay at home streaming past episodes of the Real Housewives eating cheese and onion chips , something is off, right?? I had to cancel, but how?! What do I say to not look like a massive bitch when I had already rescheduled once this week?

It is now late morning and I just got a text from him saying that he is too ill to make it tonight and could we reschedule for the following week. Lacking a specified day next week to reschedule to, I can only assume that while he may be sick, he actually might be feeling the same way I do. I am happy, but also slightly confused. The happy part is easy to explain. I don’t have to go and I am not the bad guy!! He can most certainly take that title and run with it. However, the part I am slightly confused about is how we both let it get this far. I mean, barring actual illness and him wanting to see me again, it is the day of the date and I am just now trying to cancel and he is just now actually cancelling. Just last night he sent me a text asking me how my day was and I gave him the location of the date that was supposed to occur tonight. Mixed signals alert on both sides!! Is it because I was trying to be too open-minded when I knew something was off? The problem comes down to trusting your instinct. I am generally pretty in-tune with my feelings. But, when it comes to dating I can sometimes confuse a lack of interest with nervousness or fear of putting myself in a position to open up to a guy, something I haven’t really had to do in a couple of years, and vice versa. When should you give a person a chance? Or is your gut always right?

What I have learned from this experience is to not beat around the bush in the future. If I’m not feeling it, I’m not going on the second date even if he’s the nicest guy in the world. But, I also be aware of the reality of my feelings and not pass them off as something they are not–being authentic. If I am being authentic and all, rejection still is annoying even if you wanted it. I guess that emotion would be pride.

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